


The King's Men (Andrew's Point of View)

by naj10ajm03



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Andrew's Point of View, Explicit Language, F/M, Fanfiction, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Violence, Rewrite
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-05-23 19:48:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6128149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naj10ajm03/pseuds/naj10ajm03
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The King's Men from Andrew Minyard's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> The King's Men, originally written by Nora Sakavic, is in the point of view of Neil Josten. This is my personal interpretation of what Andrew Minyard's point of view would be. This is the last book in the All for the Game series, and if you have not read them, I strongly suggest reading those first. I do not own any of these characters and all of the credit for this belongs to Nora Sakavic. This is my first time writing for this series, I welcome any criticism. Thank you so much for reading. I will try to upload a chapter once a week. The chapters will align with the chapters in Nora's book to the best of my ability.

The first thing Andrew noticed was the number of people that were here to pick him up. He knew he should have expected all four of them to be here, but somehow he thought maybe Wymack or Bee would take him back to Palmetto State. 

The second thing he noticed was Neil. Not that he had paid very close attention to him before, but he definitely did not remember him looking like this. The wreck of his face wasn’t exactly shocking, Neil would get himself beaten up, but his hair and eyes did warrant some curiosity. 

By the time Andrew realized that he’d paused for a few seconds, everyone was looking at him expectantly. He turned toward the door and went straight for the dumpsters outside. He dumped the contents of his bag with more relief than necessary. He did not want anything to do with Easthaven. He did not want to ever have to see the damn building or anyone associated with it ever again. 

When he turned to find Nicky and Aaron walking in the parking lot, he followed their path and spotted his car. While walking toward it he idly wondered if Neil or Nicky drove it to pick him up, but then decided he didn’t care either way. Nicky unlocked the doors as Andrew was nearing it; he and Aaron then got into the backseat. He opened his door but didn’t get in right away, instead choosing to watch as Neil and Kevin walked toward him. 

Neil stopped at the back door but Kevin stood right in front of him. He knew Kevin was looking to see how Andrew was, not for Andrew’s sake, but for Exy’s. When he noticed that Kevin had some bruises on his face, he guessed he’d have to pay Matt back the next time he saw him. None of his other teammates would make the mistake of hitting Kevin somewhere Andrew would notice. But he wasn’t really concerned about that right now and sent him off with a flick of his fingers.

When Kevin went around to the passenger door, Neil ducked into the seat behind Andrew. Once their doors were closed, Andrew settled into the driver’s seat and put his hand out for any set of keys. It was Neil that dropped the set Andrew had given him into his waiting hand. 

He went to start the car and saw in the rearview mirror through the corner of his eye that Neil flinched when Nicky touched his forearm. Nicky immediately unclenched his hand and apologized. 

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t---“ 

Neil’s response cut him off with his usual “It’s fine.”

“It isn’t,” Andrew saw Nicky look his way then at Aaron. “I mean, Jesus, Andrew, aren’t you even going to ask---“

With that, Andrew turned the radio on loud enough to block out his cousin and his thoughts. Neil shook his head at Nicky in the backseat and said nothing about it. 

Once they were on the road not even the pounding of whatever song was playing could stop his mind from spiraling. But when Kevin went to turn the volume down, he swatted his hand away. Kevin proceeded to throw a hissy fit when he realized he wouldn’t get his way. 

With nothing but the road to distract him, Andrew began to think back on the last couple of years. It wasn’t as if he didn’t remember his time on medication, because he definitely did. He also had ample time to think about everything during his waking hours at Easthaven. But the memories weren’t exactly clear. They were almost too sharp and focused. He could distinctly remember details that people would have normally forgotten by now. But everything seemed to be too narrow. His vision seemed to have been distorted by his manic mind.

Looking into his rearview mirror, he could tell that Neil wasn’t near as comforted by the loud sounds as Andrew was. But considering he decidedly did not care if Neil has a headache or not, he left the volume where it was. Andrew also knew that if he were to lower it, his cousin’s voice would be the first noise to replace it; and he was definitely not in the mood for that. Neil did whatever caused the mess on his face by his own actions. Andrew had warned him to stand down, but apparently stupidity cannot be overcome so quickly. His hair was something completely unexpected and not at all what Andrew was thinking about. 

Andrew had decided months ago that Neil was nothing to him and never would be. He was just someone that happened to be of use to Andrew. Someone that was as much an inconvenience as he was tempting. Andrew knew, objectively, that Neil was attractive. Built from sports and lean from running all the time. The new hair and unconcealed eyes just added to his hatred toward him. 

When they finally pulled up to Fox Tower, Neil practically jumped from the car and caught Andrew’s door before he could close it. He stood, waiting to see what Neil wanted; and when Andrew didn’t move, he leaned in to get something from under Andrew’s seat. The shape was familiar, it looked like Neil’s fanboy binder, but Andrew had no idea why that would be in his car. He decided he didn’t care. 

When Neil stood up, Andrew realized that they were standing almost chest-to-chest. Being this close to Neil’s face gave him the chance to survey the damage. Someone had put Neil through the ringer. A familiar and unwelcome feeling of rage swept Andrew’s body. He did not care that Neil was beaten to a pulp, probably said something stupid to the wrong person. But that didn’t stop his hands from balling into tight fists at his side.

Clamping down on his anger, he steeled his face to stay passive as he stepped out of Neil’s way and motioned at Nicky. 

“You stay. The rest go.”

He saw that Neil checked with Nicky to make sure he was okay alone, and at Nicky’s nod, walked toward the front of the car where Kevin and Aaron were waiting. Kevin looked like he wanted to stay and pry into Andrew’s brain. But Neil pushed him toward the door, so Andrew ignored him and turned to Nicky.

“The abridged version,” was all Andrew had to say.

Nicky went on at length about everything from Aaron’s trial to Kevin’s face to the Ravens. Apparently the Foxes were playing in the championships. At that news Nicky paused looking as if Andrew should have a reaction, and when nothing happened he went on to other topics. The Christmas banquet and the subsequent break had Andrew caught up.

He didn’t ask about Neil and Nicky didn’t offer any information, so Andrew waited until they reached to third floor to send Nicky to get Neil from his room.

Andrew waited in the stairwell while Nicky went into the doorway. The first thing Neil did was hand over Andrew’s armbands. He turned toward the stairs to pull them up his arms and covered them again with his sleeves. He then headed upstairs to the roof. The door used to be locked, but after months of picking the lock, Andrew could just pop open the door with only a small amount of extra force. 

When he stepped out of the doorway, the wind whipped at him from every angle. He was used to the chill by now and had come to expect, if not welcome it. This was a place he came to get away from the assholes that had been thrown into his life. Walking up to the edge, he felt the familiar rush that came with being so close to falling. He had never been fond of being so high off the ground, but being afraid of something was out of the question.

He refused to let something as trivial as heights have such a strong hold over him. 

Neil was standing next to him and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, lit two, and handed one to Andrew. The scent around him and weight in his lungs immediately took the edge out of his non-existent fear.

After considering the quickest way to get this conversation out of the way, he turned toward Neil and stated “I’ll take and explanation now.”

“You couldn’t ask for answers inside where it’s warm?” Neil asked instead of answering.

Andrew honestly hadn’t considered it to be cold out, but looking at Neil he could tell that there was an almost indecipherable tremor in his arms. “If you are worried about dying of exposure you’re a little late.” 

He reached out without really thinking but stopped himself before he touched Neil’s discolored cheek. The striking thing about Neil’s appearance wasn’t the bruises or cuts, but the look in his eyes. They looked to be a brighter shade of blue than he remembered. Maybe his hair, which looked as if it was burning in the sunlight, made his eyes stand out more. He tried to think about why they were here and asked, “did I break my promise or were you keeping yours?”

“Neither,” Neil said.

That answer did little to settle his mind. “I know you have had ample time in my absence to come up with your precious lies, but remember I gave you a truth on credit in November. It is your turn in our game and you will not lie to me.” Putting harsh emphasis on his words helped clear his head.

“Neither,” Neil said again. “I spent Christmas in Evermore.”

The words sent a jolt through him and he immediately went to tear off the bandage on Neil’s left cheek. It was exactly where Kevin’s 2 was tattooed. When he tore it off and was greeted with a 4, he went cold. Luckily he had spent a lifetime learning to keep a straight face, although everything inside of him told him to flinch, he stayed impassive.

“This is a new low for even you,” is what he chose to say.

“I’m not wearing it by choice.” 

“You chose to go to Evermore.”

“I came back.”

That was almost laughable. “Riko let you go. We are doing too well this year and your feud is too public. No one would have believed you willingly transferred to Edgar Allen mid-season.” He wanted to shove Neil for being so stupid, but instead settled on smashing the bandage back over his cheekbone. “You weren’t supposed to leave Kevin’s side. Did you forget?” 

“I promised to keep him safe,” Neil said it as if it explained why he would go to such lengths to keep being an idiot. “I didn’t say I’d hound him every step of the way like you do. I kept my end of the deal.”

Andrew was almost at his limit of how much he could put up with in one day. He didn’t feel like explaining that this right here is why he kept a close watch on people like Kevin and Neil. “But not like this. You already said this had nothing to do with Kevin. Why did you go?” He knew he would regret the answer as soon as he asked.

Neil hesitated, looking pained and uncomfortable. “Riko said if I didn’t, Dr. Proust would---“

Andrew had heard enough; he pushed his hand over Neil’s mouth to stop him from continuing on with his explanation. He did not need to listen to how Neil tried to save him. People don’t save Andrew; it’s the other way around. He fought to keep his mind in the present as to not give any indication that he was fighting the urge to look down the building, if only to ground himself. He knew the illusion was broken when he felt Neil’s face pull into a look of outrage under his palm.

After making sure he could speak without any detectable emotion, he told Neil what he should have made clear much earlier. “Do not make the mistake of thinking I need your protection.” 

He then lowered his hand so Neil could speak. But what he said only fueled the fire raging inside of Andrew’s stomach.

“I had to try. If I had the chance to stop it but did nothing, how could I face you again? How could I live with myself?”

“Your crumbling psyche is your problem, not mine.” Keeping attention on Neil felt safer than the alternative. “I said I would keep you alive this year. You make it infinitely more difficult for me when you actively try to get yourself killed.”

“You spend all this time watching our backs,” his response came. “Who’s watching yours? Don’t say you are, because you and I both know you take shit care of yourself.”

This conversation was spiraling into places that were not safe. Andrew had to redirect everything Neil threw his way. “You have a hearing problem. Too many balls to the head, perhaps. Can you read lips?” Pointing to his mouth, Andrew said, “The next time someone comes for you, stand down and let me deal with it. Do you understand?”

“If it means losing you, then no.” Neil stated this as if it were the simplest thing to him. 

Andrew hated it. He hated Neil, and let him know for good measure. “I hate you.” He took one more soothing pull form his cigarette and flicked it down to the parking lot below. “You were supposed to be a side effect of the drugs.”

Neil’s response was as reassuring as it was infuriating. “I’m not a hallucination.”

“You are a pipe dream,” is all Andrew could muster after such an excruciating conversation. “Go inside and leave me alone.” He could barely breathe with Neil’s gaze on him.

“You still have my keys,” Neil said after a beat of silence.

Andrew was infuriated beyond comprehension by the time he dug the keys out of his pocket and forced his car key off of it. He wanted to chuck them at Neil’s stupid face, but settled for tossing them off the building where he had thrown his cigarette.

Neil looked over the edge to see where they landed, then looked to Andrew. He refused to look back. “Not anymore,” was his only response. 

When Neil opened his mouth to speak Andrew was sure that he would have to punch him to shut him up. But at the last second, he closed it and turned away to go get his keys. 

Andrew listened for the sound of the door opening and decidedly did not think about what had just happened. When he heard Neil come out of the building, he looked down and saw him pick up his keys. But instead of going back inside, he picked up Andrew’s discarded cigarette and put it in his mouth. He then looked up into Andrew’s eyes and tapped two fingers to his temple the same way Andrew had at their first meeting. Andrew couldn’t take the simple gesture, so he turned and headed for the door.

When he arrived in his room, the others were there. They all looked up from what they were doing to watch him walk into the room. Before any of them had the chance to speak, he headed for the bedroom and shut the door behind himself. 

He knew it was too early to think about sleeping, but the idea was so tempting. Instead he settled for climbing on his desk and smoking with the window open. By the time went through a few cigarettes, he could hear movement in the living room. Still agitated, but not as incensed with fear and anger as earlier, he hopped off of the desk and went to eat in the kitchen. 

He didn’t talk to anyone and no one tried to talk to him. After he finished eating, he decided that he didn’t want to be in the room any longer. He headed outside to his car and pulled his key out to unlock the door. 

As he was sitting down and turning the car on, he knew where he was going. It’s not that he particularly cared if Neil had a key to his car or not. He just knew that if Neil ever needed one it was easier to just give him his own than have to constantly switch Andrew’s from keychain to keychain. 

After getting a copy made he tied it to a charger in his glove compartment for safekeeping, no doubt that Neil would need to use it eventually with how poor he was at keeping the damn thing on.

He then realized it was late enough to sleep without raising any questions and headed back to the dorm. He took the stairs up to the third floor and opened the locked door to his room. He went to shower the day off, hoping that the scalding water would clear his mind. When he finally settled into his mattress, with his back to the wall, he was able to fall asleep and he blissfully did not have any dreams that night.


	2. Chapter Two

When Andrew woke up the next morning, it was earlier than he would have liked. His schedule at Easthaven was: breakfast at 7:00, group at 8:30, a free hour from 10:00-11:00, assessment at 11:15, lunch at 11:45, one-on-one with Slosky at 1:00, another free hour from 2:00-3:00, one-on-one with Proust at 3:30, Dinner at 5:00, and medication management at 7:00. Thinking back on it, the schedule wasn’t so bad, it was just the people he had to deal with throughout the entire ordeal.

But now that he was back in his dorm room, there was no reason to be up at the ass crack of dawn. Andrew lay in bed for a few extra minutes just because he could. Except when 7:30 came around, he was feeling too jittery to stay in bed any longer. 

Getting out of bed quietly was second nature at this point, not that he cared whether or not he woke up his roommates. He went to the bathroom before making himself a bowl of cereal. He hadn’t had the sugary sweetness of coco puffs for two months; they tasted amazing compared to cornflakes. 

After brushing his teeth and washing the sleep from his face, he went to sit on his desk and smoke a cigarette by the window.

When he looked outside, he felt like he could finally start breathing normally again. The familiar position made him comfortable in his own skin, if only for the time being. He could still hear Kevin, Aaron, and Nicky in the other room sleeping. Despite his best efforts, the calm quiet of their breathing soothed him almost as much as the smoke circling his head.

Around 9:00 Kevin started to wake up. Andrew had been wondering how long he’d have to wait to listen to Kevin’s one-track mind.

Luckily Kevin was one of the slowest people to wake up that Andrew had ever met. He took enough time getting out of the room for Andrew to finish his cigarette and decide how he wanted to have this conversation.

He knew that he did not want to talk about the weeks he’d been away, but he also knew Kevin didn’t really want to hear about them either.

As if on queue, the first thing out of Kevin’s mouth was, “Do you remember how to play?”

“Unfortunately,” is all Andrew responded with.

For now that seemed adequate, and Kevin made himself breakfast.

They sat in silence until Nicky and Aaron woke up. Nicky was his usual self, going on and on about this, that, and the other thing. Andrew tuned him out as to not have to remember his enthusiasm.

When it was 10:30 they started getting ready to head to the stadium. Nicky turned to knock on Neil’s door when they stepped out in the hallway. Matt opened the door with confusion when Nicky said he was there for Neil. 

“I thought he was already with you guys,” Matt’s concern was evident in the set of his shoulders and downturned mouth.

“He’s not here?” Nicky asked back.

“No, he left almost two hours ago. Hasn’t come back yet.”

Andrew turned and headed for the stairs while taking out his phone and pressing the speed dial for Neil. Unsurprisingly, it went straight to voicemail. When they caught up with him, Nicky suggested they call Wymack to ask if Neil was with him. 

By the time they reached the car, Kevin was hanging up the phone saying “He hasn’t seen or heard from him since yesterday.”

Andrew looked over the top of the car at Kevin and pointed his thumb at the backseat. He looked thoroughly pissed off but did not argue and motioned for Nicky to slide to the middle seat. 

As soon as the doors closed Nicky said, “We should try the library, I know he goes there to study sometimes.”

Andrew told himself to drive his usual speed while cutting across campus toward the library. When they pulled up, he left the car at the curb, turned the flashers on, and told everyone to sit here and watch it while he went inside.

He took the stairs one at a time, because he was not in a rush to find Neil. But when he reached the landing he saw Neil asleep at a computer and had to restrain himself from killing him on the spot.

Andrew walked toward the table and grabbed Neil’s head, forcibly not crushing his skull. When Neil jerked awake, he shot his hands out as if to grab a weapon. When he came up empty, Andrew titled his head to stare at his stupid face.

“Is your learning curve a horizontal line?” Andrew asked. “I told you yesterday to stop making my life difficult.”

Neil didn’t look abashed, but more exhausted when he answered. “And I told you I wouldn’t promise anything.”

Andrew couldn’t deal with this right now so he let go of Neil’s head. Neil began shutting the computer off, but paused for half a minute when he looked at the time. Andrew was done waiting on him and turned for the stairs. 

Neil followed him down to the entrance and got in the front seat after realizing Kevin had taken the back.

Andrew almost peeled out of the parking lot and headed toward the stadium. 

After a minute of silence Neil said, “I didn’t tell anyone I was going to the library.”

“You only have a couple hiding spots,” came Nicky’s response. “Coach said you weren’t at the stadium. You didn’t answer your phone when we called.”

At that Neil dug his phone out of his pocket and opened it to a black screen, then closed it and dropped it into the cup holder. Andrew was annoyed at Neil’s predictability more than anything when he reached across Neil to open the glove compartment. Neil looked at the open door until he realized what Andrew was offering him. He pulled out the cord and closed the glove compartment.

When Neil noticed the key that was attached to the charger, he looked confusedly from his hands to the ignition. Andrew was grateful that he didn’t ask, but just accepted the key and moved on.

He shut the car off when it was parked in front of the court. Andrew watched as everyone followed Neil inside. Then he waited for Wymack to come outside like Andrew knew he would.

Once he spotted Wymack walking toward him, he took out two cigarettes, lit both of them, and handed one to Wymack. He took it without saying anything, but the look in his eyes was question enough. When they reached to edge of the parking lot, Andrew was tired of waiting him out. After taking a long pull from his cigarette he asked, “What do you want to know?”

“Well, I want to ask how you’re doing. But considering I’m not Bee and I don't exactly know how to deal with this. I’ll settle for asking if you need anything.”

Andrew didn’t really need to think about his answer, but he paused before speaking anyway.

“Not unless you can guarantee that I won’t have to deal with any more stupidity from these idiots.”

“Now that I can’t promise…”

“Then I guess there’s nothing else,” Andrew said.

“Just try not to kill anyone okay?”

Andrew hummed in response. Luckily Wymack got the hint and they finished their cigarettes in silence. When they stubbed them out beneath their shoes, they headed toward the court. 

Wymack didn’t follow him through the outer door, so Andrew walked in alone. He saw Matt had stopped walking to see who was entering the lounge and went straight for him, punching him hard enough that he hit the ground. He then hit his face for good measure, but was stopped after one punch. 

Neil had jumped up when he saw Andrew close in on Matt, and Andrew knew that he wasn’t going to fight back. He hated himself for backing down so easily but settled for looking at Neil as if he was unimportant and not at all the reason he stopped his assault. 

Neil put his hands up as if that could stop Andrew from attacking anyone, he grudgingly did not think about how it would stop him.

“Enough,” Neil said when he was sure Andrew wasn’t going to pounce again. “Matt didn’t do anything wrong.”

Andrew waved that off as unimportant and said, “He knew what would happen if he laid a hand on Kevin, yet he was stupid enough to do it twice. If he does it again I will not be as friendly.”

Dan’s outrage was evident in her tone when she said, “You’re not seriously threatening him. Who do you think paid Aaron’s bail? If it weren’t for Matt, Aaron would still be in prison waiting for his trial.”

Aaron beat him to a response by stating, “Doesn’t matter.” 

Nicky followed up with a shrug saying, “Matt helped Aaron by doing that, not Andrew. You can’t count a favor for one as a favor to both just because they’re twins, you know. That’s cheating.”

To Andrew it wasn’t even about favors or doing nice things. He gave everyone, Matt included, a fair warning that he would not tolerate violence against Kevin. He was just staying true to his word. Nothing else.

“Nice to see you too, monster,” Matt said, whipping the blood from his nose. He sniffed and made a face at the taste. “Good to see you’re still fuck-all crazy.”

He wasn’t going to dignify that with a response, but Aaron seemed to think it worthy of comment, “Don’t look surprised. It wasn’t the drugs that made him crazy.”

Andrew was unimpressed by the entire conversation until Renee spoke up.

“Hello, Andrew.” She said, and smiled when he looked her way. 

They stared at each other for a few seconds and Andrew fought to keep his face impassive. But Renee saw what she always did in his gaze and gave him a slight nod. He turned to look at Neil and was not surprised to see that he was still prepared to stop a fight.

Abby walked in and surveyed the situation and turned to look at Andrew like he was the problem here.

“Andrew,” she said. “Welcome back. It hasn’t been the same without you.” He considered her in silence until she realized he wasn’t going to respond. She looked away at everyone else and said, awkwardly, “The food should be ready by the time I get there. I’ll be right back, okay? Try to behave while I’m gone.”

“Thanks,” Dan said.

Before leaving them, Abby looked his way one last time. He didn’t give anything away through his stony face. As soon as door shut behind her, Wymack was walking toward them. He was probably waiting to make sure he wouldn’t have to be the one to tear apart a fight. 

As his gaze met Matt, then Neil and Andrew, he put together what had happened and said, “Didn’t we talk about not killing your teammates?” When he saw that Andrew wasn’t going to answer him, he looked around the room. When he saw they were missing a head, he said, “Allison was just here. Where did she go?”

Neil answered, “She went to see the championship banners.”

“She’ll come back when she’s done crying,” Nicky added.

“She’s not crying,” Neil said.

Nicky gave him a grin and said, “Five bucks says she is.”

Andrew could see the set of Neil’s shoulders become more rigid. He could practically feel him radiating with anger toward his cousin. Neil was usually ready for a fight, but it wasn’t common for them to be with people he liked.

Neil’s response came a beat too late and a touch too harsh. “Don’t you dare bet on someone’s grief.”

“Oh, hey, hey.” Nicky put his hands up in innocence. “No harm intended right? No offense. I was just trying to lighten the mood.” If anything Neil looked more tired now than anything else. Though after sleeping in the library he shouldn’t be that tired.

“Lighten your chair and go check on her,” Wymack said. “We’ve got a lot to go over today and I can’t start until she’s back She’ll be angrier at us if we start without her than she will be if you interrupt her. And yes, I mean you, Hemmick. I don’t want Neil moving more than he has to.” Andrew silently agreed, but said nothing.

“I can walk,” came Neil’s inevitable counter.

“Proud of you,” Wymack said. “Didn’t ask.”

When Nicky stood up, Andrew saw Neil tense like he was going to start running just to prove he could. Andrew was beyond exasperated by everyone at this point and stood up close to Neil, digging a finger into his throat. When Neil looked his way, he said, “Sit down and be still.”

Neil hit Andrew’s hand away from him and turned toward the couch. Andrew followed and sat in his usual seat with Kevin to one side and Neil sinking down into the other. Once he was between the two he wanted a distraction and pulled out a knife to fiddle with. He noticed that Neil’s eyes were on him and it made him antsy. 

Trying to throw his gaze he said, “It is not that fascinating.”

“No,” Neil agreed. But there was something in that word that threw Andrew off. He didn’t stop what he was doing or look up, but he could feel the atmosphere around him changing. 

“It’s just…” Neil was struggling to say something and everyone was trying not to look like they were waiting with baited breath. “I’ve never understood why he likes knives.” 

That did it. Andrew went motionless and looked up at Renee. He knew she’d heard when her gaze landed on Neil without question. He could tell that she understood what he did. She’d heard the fear behind those words just as clearly. After she studied him, she looked at Andrew and they stared each other down for a few seconds. 

They were both thinking of pasts too similar. They had recognized the edge of Neil’s voice, the imperceptible tremor in his hands that he probably didn’t notice himself. The wording suggested a life long struggle to comprehend the incomprehensible. Even if those words were about Riko, they were also laden with the heaviness of something else. Andrew thought of Neil on the run, and wondered, not for the first time, what else Neil was hiding. 

When Renee lifted her chin in a gesture of continuing the conversation later, Andrew hummed his agreement and put the knife back in his left armband. Not wanting to give off that he knew more, he settled with saying, “He will lose his taste when he has one in his gut.” 

Even if this wasn’t about Riko, the bastard obviously did damage to someone Andrew was responsible for. And that was unacceptable.

Neil looked at Renee again as she turned and acted as if nothing happened.

Nicky and Allison returned and everyone looked at them. Allison sat in a chair and asked Wymack, “Who are we eliminating first?”

That set Wymack off on a spiel about who and when and where the Foxes would be playing this spring. He handed Matt a stack of papers. Matt then distributed them to each person. Andrew was uninterested in the entire conversation. That is, until Kevin got his attention by asking, “How long is Neil benched?”

“A week,” Neil spat it out as if the words offended him. “Abby won’t reconsider until next Tuesday.”

“Generous,” Dan said, Andrew thought she was right but didn’t mention it. “I’d have benched you for the entire first round.”

“I’m fine to play,” Neil said. Andrew was so close to punching him, but didn’t have to in the end.

Kevin had reached behind him to hit Neil in the head. He gave him a harsh look before saying, “I warned you once already not to lie about your health. We need you on the court, but not if you’re going to drag us down with you. In the shape you’re in now you’d be a complete waste of our time.”

Andrew appreciated the honesty but thought the reasoning behind his argument to be lacking. Exy was not the concern here. Neil on the other hand, was offended at the very thought.

“I would not. Put me on the court and I’ll prove it.” Andrew was surrounded by idiots and quickly losing a battle to stay calm.

“Shut up,” Wymack said. “when you’re sporting fewer than fifty stitches I’ll consider letting you on my court again. If I catch you so much as looking at your gear before then I will bench you another week out of spite. Do you understand?”

“But---“ 

“Give me a ‘Yes, Coach’.”

“Coach---“

That was the last straw. Andrew pinched Neil’s wrist hard enough to bruise. Andrew was tired and hated that Neil would care this much about something so trivial. Neil tore his hand back and looked at Andrew with annoyance in his eyes. Andrew didn’t even acknowledge him. After Neil folded his arms against his stomach and turned back to Wymack. Andrew felt calmer.

“Appreciate it, I think,” Wymack said. Then continued with, “Andrew, how behind are you? I didn’t see a fitness center listed with Easthaven’s amenities.”

“There wasn’t one,” Andrew answered. “I improvised.”

“Do I want to know?” Andrew didn’t say anything before Wymack answered that himself. “No, I don’t, unless there’s an impending lawsuit I should know about. Morning practices are at the gym again. Neil, until you’re back on the court, you’ll be meeting me here instead. I’ll put you to work watching tapes and researching UT’s defense. Tomorrow afternoon we’re doing semester meet-and-greets with Betsy. You know the routine: you can’t go with someone who plays the same position. Dan’ll figure out the pairs and give you an allotted time during morning practice. Right?”

“On it,” Dan said.

"Last order of official business from me is damage control," Wymack said. "We've got everyone's attention. A fierce season and ample tragedies mean we're the talk of the town, and this year people might actually root for the underdog. The board wants us to encourage that fever with more publicity. Expect more cameras at games, more interviews, and more nosiness in general. If I could ban some of you from ever opening your mouth in public, I would, but this is out of my hands. Attempt to behave yourselves without sacrificing your confident image. Think you can do that?" 

"You're no fun, Coach," Nicky said. 

"I will be a lot less fun if you make us look like fools," Wymack said. "But I'm not as worried about you as I am about our resident punching bag and his smart mouth. Anyone have ideas on how to make Neil look a bit less like a battered wife?" 

"It's under control," Allison said, and looked to Neil. "You'll come to our room after the meeting." 

"I was going to buy my textbooks today," Neil said. 

"I wasn't asking," Allison said. "You can go when I'm done with you, unless you want to go out looking like that." 

"We promise not to ask about Christmas," Renee said. Allison shot her a look at that, but Renee ignored her. "It'll only take a couple minutes, I think."

"Okay." Neil said after a few seconds.

"I need to get my stuff, too," Nicky said. "We can go when they're done with you."

Wymack nodded looking at the Foxes. "Anyone got anything official to add?"

"We're going to need a shelf or something in here to put our championship trophy on," Dan said. "Can we rearrange again?"

"Board won't sign off on a purchase like that until we've at least made it through the second death match," Wymack said. "Nice try, though."

"Who needs the board's permission?" Allison said. "I'm going to buy it, because the board is too stingy. We deserve something obscenely expensive. Matt, measure the bed of your truck. I need to know what I can fit before I start looking for the right piece."

"Oh, to be young and filthy rich," Nicky said. "Must be nice."

Allison considered her manicure with lofty boredom. "It is."

Nicky rolled his eyes but didn't push it.

"Anything else?" Wymack asked. The sound of Abby returning with their food made him shake his head and say, “Never mind. Food’s here. Stuff your faces and get out my locker room. I’ll be going over paperwork and scheduling if anyone needs me.”

With that he went back into his office, leaving them to eat. Abby put all the food down on the table and left them as well. 

After everyone finished eating, Neil unplugged his phone from the wall and they headed out to the two cars. Andrew noticed Neil didn’t turn his phone on but stuck it in his pocket immediately. He refused to unlock the door until Neil turned it on.

The ride back to the tower was quiet and Andrew went up to the roof when everyone else went into the rooms. He spent a good chunk of the afternoon smoking and not thinking about Neil and his incessant need to play Exy. He did not think about the look on his face as Andrew held a knife. And he definitely did not think about his eyes and the way they were the only ones that could hold Andrew back while simultaneously pushing him off of the edge of his self-control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I appreciate all of the positive reactions I've gotten so far. I hope I can live up to this amazing fan base.


	3. Chapter Three

The following morning Andrew woke up around the same time. He was used to being on a strict schedule and knew it would take time to get out of the habit. 

He worked out with the rest of the Foxes, minus Neil, and relished the familiar stretch of muscles. It had been so long since he had been able to go to an actual gym. He had made due with pushups and leg lifts and whatever else he could think of while at Easthaven. He hadn’t told Wymack yesterday because it didn’t feel important enough to mention.

His classes were boring and he knew he’d retain all of the information with minimal effort. Being able to remember everything did have its perks.

When it was almost time for practice, Neil met up with Andrew and the others to ride to the stadium. But since their scheduled meetings with Bee were today, the group took three cars. Neil looked at Matt’s truck bed reluctantly, but Allison pulled him toward her car before Andrew could intervene.

Practice was as dull as he had remembered. But with Neil sitting out, he couldn’t even distract himself with images of punching him in the face.

When it was his and Kevin’s turn to visit Bee, he drove them toward the medical center. Kevin had been relatively calm during practice. Andrew assumed that without Neil there, no one really got under his skin. 

Andrew went first without hesitating, and walked right into Bee’s office. When he opened the door, she greeted him with her usual, “Andrew, it’s so nice to see you. Come in, I have some hot chocolate ready for us.”

He accepted the cup and sat opposite her on the couch. She had kept in touch with him while he was at Easthaven so they started by talking about trivial things. 

“How are your classes so far? Is it going to be another easy semester for you?” She asked him with a smile.

“Most likely. It’ll definitely be just as boring as every other semester,” Andrew replied.

“Well how about the championships? Are you excited about that?”

She knew his answer before he spoke, “You know I don’t care about that.”

“I guess I’m more interested in whether or not you’re excited for your team, less so about the sport itself.” 

Andrew took a drink of the hot chocolate before answering. “I guess that depends on whether or not they make it interesting.”

“How is Kevin by the way?” She asked, knowing that he was a major factor in his involvement with the Foxes.

“Just as spineless as ever.”

“And Neil? How is being back treating him?”

“I guess he didn’t answer that for you then?”

“I haven’t had the pleasure of seeing him yet. But you know as well as I do that I can’t discuss his sessions with you.”

“Then you should probably rephrase your questioning.” Andrew said instead of answering. He knew what she was getting at, and would not make it easy for her to get an answer.

“Okay. How do you feel about him being back after he left?”

“I feel like he has a death wish.” Andrew didn’t really mean for it to sound so sharp.

“Were you worried about him?” She looked so innocent asking such dangerous questions.

“If, by worried, you mean wanting to kill him myself to make the process go by faster, then yes. I guess you could say that.” He took another drink of hot chocolate. Realizing that it was cool enough to actually drink, he gulped down almost half of it.

When he looked back up at her, she was looking at him like she could see through his expression. This only forced him to keep his face even more impassive. He knew that Bee was a good person and already knew most of his secrets, but letting someone in was always risky. 

He had never outright told her that he was gay, but there were times while he was on his meds that he’s sure she interpreted correctly.

“Well since this is just a short session, our time is almost up.” Bee said looking like she wanted to push but knew when to stop. 

He drained the rest of the hot chocolate before it could get cold and stood up to hand the mug back to her.

“It’s been lovely catching up with you, Andrew. I look forward to talking longer next time. Please send Kevin in on your way out.”

“Will do,” Andrew responded in lieu of goodbye.

He motioned for Kevin to head back and sat down on a chair to wait. After about ten minutes of trying to think about nothing, he walked outside to sit on his car and smoke. 

When Kevin was finished, Andrew stubbed the end of his cigarette out and put the rest in his pocket for later. 

They drove back to the court in silence and immediately changed out again for more practice.

When they headed onto the court, Andrew took up goal while Kevin stopped at mid-court. Practice continued on as normal for a while. People came and left on their trips to see Bee. But soon Andrew got bored.

He started aiming for people instead of just blocking the goal. To the other’s dismay, and his delight, he had pretty good aim. The feet were the most interesting to aim for. It made them either jump out of the way, or trip over themselves. Kevin was the main target, as he tried to score the most.

After Dan almost fell over before Matt could catch her, Wymack pounded on the court wall to signal a stop in play. Then Neil was walking on the court and heading straight for Andrew. 

Keeping his voice low enough for only Andrew to hear, he said, “Coach wants to know what you have against the offense line.”

Andrew looked past Neil and toward Wymack before answering. “He can ask me himself.” He knew that Wymack knew better than to stick his nose where it didn’t belong.

“Or you can answer me since I’m already here,” Neil said. “There are only nine of us left. If we lose anyone else we’re out of spring championships. You know that.”

He said it as if it mattered to Andrew whether or not they got to play anymore. But when he didn’t get a response, he put his hand in front of Andrew to turn his attention away from Wymack. When Andrew finally looked up at him Neil said, “I want us to get to finals. I want us to be the ones who finally bring the Ravens down. After everything Riko’s done to us, don’t you want that, too?”

“You say ‘want’ so freely,” Andrew said, “when I have told you a thousand times before I want nothing.”

“Probably because you’re spending all your energy on not wanting anything,” Neil’s response came back heated. “But if you can’t grasp that simple concept, I’ll put this in terms you do understand: this is a game we can’t afford to lose. This is how we get to Riko. This is the only thing we can take from him that will actually hurt. Let’s rip his rank out of his fingers and show him he had a reason to fear us all along.” 

Andrew hated Neil for how excitable he was. But he hated himself more for how much he liked to see it. “Do your teammates still think you’re the quiet one?” He asked.

“Our teammates,” Neil paused for emphasis, “want this as much as I do. So stop cutting them off at the knees before the have the chance to try.”

“I don’t believe in giving people chances.”

“I didn’t until I came here.” Neil looked desperate. “I took a chance on you when I decided to stay. You took a chance on me when you trusted me with Kevin. Is it really that hard to support them when they’ve been with you every step of the way?”

Instead of dignifying that with a response, he said, “What will you give me in exchange for my cooperation?” Bartering was natural and easy for him.

“Because revenge isn’t good enough?” Neil asked. “What would it take?”

Andrew didn’t have to think about it. “Show me your scars.”

That finally left Neil speechless for a few seconds. He looked taken aback at the very least and opened his mouth but shut it in the same breath. 

“When?’ he said after a beat.

“We are going to Columbia tomorrow,” Andrew said. “Now walk away and tell Coach to mind his pay grade. I will not let him get away with this a second time.”

Neil looked confused but nodded and left anyways. When the door shut and the practice started again, Kevin sent a shot his way. Instead of shooting it back, Andrew slammed it all the way down to the other end of the court. If they didn’t want to be hit, they’d have to run for it. 

After practice Renee told him about a conversation she had with Neil on her way to see Bee. She told him that she had offered to show Neil how to use a knife to protect himself, but he had refused. His response of “I don’t want to be like him” was expected, but not at all encouraging. 

-

The next day after practice, Andrew went to his room to change and grab a bag of clothes for Neil. Matt left the door open when he saw Andrew walking that way. They didn’t say anything to each other as they passed.

Andrew held out the bag for Neil and followed him into the bedroom. When Neil turned around and saw Andrew, he looked confused, so Andrew motioned toward his shirt in explanation.

Neil looked like he wanted nothing more than to slam the door in Andrew’s face. But instead he put the bag down and began taking his shirt off. When he finally got it over his head, Andrew could tell he was in pain and yanked it off the rest of the way, tossing it to the side. 

When he finally got a good look at Neil, he realized that the damage was pretty extensive. But what caught his eye first were the bandages covering Neil’s wrists. He went to rip it off and was met with no resistance. As soon as he saw the distinctive marks made by handcuffs, he could breathe a little steadier. He forced his expression to stay neutral as he looked over the rest of Neil.

Looking at his old scars was easier than the new wounds. He could feel Neil looking at him as he lifted his left hand to Neil’s shoulder where it looked like someone had branded him with an iron. His right thumb found a bullet wound. Andrew could barely think straight. But he knew he needed to keep his cool.

“Someone shot you.” Andrew said it as if he were commenting on the weather.

“I told you someone was after me,” was Neil’s simple response.

“This,” Andrew said, gripping tighter to the iron mark, “Is not from a life on the run.” He wanted to cut off the hands of whoever raised them to Neil.

“My father gave me that. People came by asking questions about his work. I didn’t say anything, but I didn’t sit still enough, either. He hit me as soon as the door closed behind them. That’s why I gave you ‘Abram’,” Neil went on. “I don’t want to give you my father’s name because I don’t want anyone to call me it ever again. I hated him.”

Andrew wasn’t quite sure he believed all of it, but moved on from the burn mark. He touched the slashes on Neil’s stomach and it reminded him. “Renee said you refused our knives. A murder magnet like you shouldn’t walk around unarmed.”

“I’m not,” Neil said. “I thought you were going to watch my back this year?” Andrew looked up to see if he could read anything in Neil’s face. He tried staying completely calm but had a near miss when Neil said, “You’re not actually a sociopath, are you?”

“I never said I was.” Although right now Andrew was wishing he didn’t feel anything, for anyone, especially the idiot standing right in front of him.

“You let them say it about you,” Neil said. “You could have corrected them.”

Andrew wasn’t concerned with what other people said, and he waved it off and told Neil as much. “What people want to think of me is not my problem.”

“Does Coach know?”

“Of course he does.”

“Then your medicine…?” Neil asked. “Were those pills really anti-psychotics?”

Andrew did not want to get into this right now. Instead he shot back “You ask a lot of questions,” and left Neil to get dressed.

Andrew didn't want to deal with anyone, but he knew that if he stayed away from his room for too long, the others would ask questions. So we went back and told everyone that they were leaving and to finish getting ready quickly. 

They only had to wait for Neil a few seconds in the hallway. As soon as he heard the door lock, he turned toward the stairs and did not look back at Neil. 

Not at his face nor his new clothes and how well they fit him. 

Andrew needed a smoke and, figuring Neil might too, decided to share. He lit two of them and passed one over his shoulder to Neil while sticking the other between his lips.

When they got to the car Nicky looked at Neil before stepping in and said, “You don’t smoke.”

To which Neil agreed, “No.” He then stubbed it out on his shoe and got in the front seat beside Andrew. He didn’t waste any time getting them on the road.

Andrew could see that Neil looked more uncomfortable the closer they got to Columbia. But whether that was from his injuries or the direction they were headed, Andrew wasn’t sure.

Andrew parked the car at Sweetie’s and the five of them headed inside and found a booth. The ice cream was just as sweet as he remembered. But the more Nicky rambled, the more Neil looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. He decided he didn’t care and kept eating in peace to the familiarity of it all.

After they finished, Andrew drove everyone to Eden’s Twilight and dropped them off at the front. He waited for Nicky to bring him the parking pass, and then drove off to find a spot. 

By the time he made it to the bar, Roland was serving his group. Andrew slid between Kevin and Neil, but didn’t say anything as he waited for a drink.

Roland greeted him immediately with an enthusiastic, “Welcome back to the land of the free. I’d say ‘and the sober’, but I know it won’t last long. Cheers.”

Everyone took a shot, except Neil, and Roland began filling up their usual drinks. The others spotted a table and went to grab it, but Neil and Andrew stayed behind. When Andrew noticed that a shot had been poured for Neil, he took it himself. Roland paused between drinks to refill it, but slid it toward Neil instead of Andrew.

“Let loose a bit. It’s a special occasion,” Roland said.

“It’s the end of seven weeks’ hard work,” Neil said in return.

Andrew did not want to think about this right now, so he took the shot and downed it. Once their drinks were made Andrew grabbed the tray and Neil parted the crowd in front of him. When they sat down, Andrew could tell that he would have to take it slow on the alcohol. After so many weeks of being sober, his tolerance was shit.

But that didn’t stop him from indulging in some cracker dust with the rest of them, except Neil of course. Nicky and Aaron soon left for the dance floor, leaving the other three at the table. Andrew did not want to look at Neil right now, not with his brain slowly getting more unreliable. 

Neil, thankfully, went to get refills after a few minutes. Leaving Andrew alone with Kevin. Luckily neither of them felt like they needed to fill the silence. But when Neil returned, he sat facing Andrew and spoke in German.

“Why does Roland think you’re tying me down?” Neil asked.

Andrew was not expecting that. He couldn’t bring himself to take the shot he was about to, but slowly put it back on the tray while looking at Neil’s hands. They had a death grip on the edge of his seat between his knees. He tapped absentmindedly against the rim of the shot glass thinking of the best way to respond. With his mind more clouded than he’s been used to, he settled on a quick truth.

“Presumably he thinks you’re as bad at following directions as he is. Roland knows I don’t like to be touched.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“It is the answer,” Andrew said as calm as he could manage. “Rephrase the question if you don’t like it.”

“I want to play another round,” Neil said. “What’s outside Coach’s pay grade?”

Andrew decided that it was time to just rip the bandage off. He sat sideways to face Neil and propped his head in his hand considering his wording. 

Keeping his face impassive wasn’t very hard with some alcohol in his system. He didn’t care what Neil thought, he just wanted to make sure what he said was what he meant.

“When Coach signed us, he promised to stay out of our personal problems. He said the board paid him to be our coach, nothing more and nothing less.”

Andrew could tell that Neil wasn’t satisfied with that answer and was deciding whether or not to ask for more. He must have decided he needed a clearer response because he said, “I didn’t think I was a person problem. You hate me, remember?”

“Every inch of you,” Andrew answered in all truthfulness. Then he decided to just get it over with. “That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you.”

Andrew could see how much of a shock that was, but it’s not like he was ashamed of it. But Neil’s next words almost had him regretting saying anything.

“You like me.”

“I hate you, “Andrew reminded him. He thought Neil had to have brain damage with the look that had taken over his face. He was staring through Andrew while looking as if his world had been cracked apart. Andrew did not like that look at all. That look was dangerous. 

After Neil composed himself enough to speak, he said, “You never said anything.”

“Why should I have?” Andrew shrugged it off as unimportant, because it was. “Nothing will come of it.”

“Nothing,” Neil echoed with almost a defeated tone that did not bode well with Andrew.

“I am self-destructive, not stupid. I know better.” He also knew that he needed to shut up before he did anything stupid.

“Okay,” was Neil’s only response. 

Andrew realized that the conversation was over and took the shot he’d set down earlier, then dug his cigarettes out of his pocket as he stood.

Before he could leave Neil said, “It’s your turn.”

Andrew shook a cigarette out and placed it between his lips. He put his pack back in his pocket and turned toward Neil. “I do not have to take it now.” He turned away and left.

Andrew went straight to the bar to find Roland. The look the bartender gave him told Andrew that he’d see him in the backroom in a minute. 

He lit his cigarette as soon as the door closed, knowing that the employees didn’t care. Halfway through finishing it, Roland pushed opened the door with a smirk. Andrew was not in the mood to play games; he just wanted a quick fuck to clear his head. The look on his face must have said as much, because Roland didn’t say a word. They were passed the point of using handcuffs; Roland knew by know not to touch Andrew no matter what. 

Andrew did not think about anything the entire time he was in that room. He did not think about auburn hair and blue eyes. He did not think about those same blue eyes looking at him like he actually meant something. And he definitely did not think about how much more he would enjoy this if Roland’s everything was someone else’s.

After about 15 minutes, he’d had enough. He didn’t say anything as he left; just quietly pulled his pants closed and went out back to smoke the rest of his cigarette, and two more. After about an hour, he headed back inside.

He found Neil and Kevin still at the table. No one said anything the rest of the night, which he was grateful for. Aaron and Nicky finally came back to the table drunk and stumbling. They left the club and Andrew drove the short distance to the house. Kevin fell on the couch immediately and Neil sat in the chair. Andrew went upstairs to his bed but couldn’t find it in him to sleep. 

Andrew’s buzz was long worn off and he was definitely exhausted. But tonight’s conversation with Neil left him pissed off. He didn’t want to think about Neil’s face crumbling or his hands gripping the edge of the seat to steady him. He did not want to think about Neil’s eyes, and the way they looked simultaneously hopeful and full of fear and dread. 

After a few hours of not thinking about Neil, he finally willed himself to sleep.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this one is kind of short. Thank you for reading!!

On Tuesday Neil was allowed to Practice again. He hit the door to stop the drills and stepped onto the court. Matt and Nicky were overly enthusiastic by the sight of him. But Kevin was looking at him like he had no business being there. He said something to Neil when he approached that Andrew guessed was warning to take it easy, but he couldn’t hear him from his spot in goal. Neil seemed to listen, because he didn’t go all out that day, and even took a break to stretch after a while.

After practice the team sat in the locker room to listen to Wymack talk about what they needed to work on.

When he finished he turned to Neil and asked, “Well?”

“I’m fine,” came Neil’s automatic response. Kevin gave Neil a look that could kill, which Neil answered with, “If I wasn’t sore right now, I’d be worried, but it’s not enough to be a problem. I can pass off the wall if overhand shots start pulling too hard on my stitches.”

Dan asked, slightly mockingly, “Was that really so difficult to say the first time around?”

“I did say it the first time around,” Neil shot back. “I’m fine.”

“The word you’re looking for is ‘hopeless’ or ‘obsessed’,” Nicky said, giving Neil a shit-eating grin.

“All right,” Wymack said. “Neil, you’re at the gym tomorrow. Go easy for a few days, would you? Adapt the circuit as needed and let me know what doesn’t work. Injure yourself here, not there.” Andrew almost agreed with the look Abby gave Wymack at that. “That’s it for today, then. Pack up and move out.”

Everyone went to shower and change before going back to the dorms. Neil went off to his room with Matt while Kevin, Aaron and Nicky followed Andrew into their room.

After dinner Nicky and Aaron played video games, Kevin watched old Exy games, and Andrew sat on his desk with a cigarette. When Kevin decided it was time to go practice again, Andrew walked out to the car instead of going with him to get Neil. Since he was cleared to practice again, Kevin wanted to make sure he wasn’t slacking off.

When they got to the court, Andrew flopped onto the couch with one arm covering his eyes from the light and the other he used as a pillow. 

Andrew could feel Neil looking at him but decided to pretend like he didn’t. But then Neil spoke to him so he couldn’t ignore him for long.

“One of these days you might as well practice with us,” Neil’s voice was closer than he expected. When Andrew didn’t respond Neil asked, “Why’d you even start playing if you weren’t willing to practice?”

“It was a bigger cage than the alternative.” 

That wasn’t a lie, but not entirely the truth either. Andrew obviously didn’t hate sports. He just didn’t understand why some people devoted their entire lives to them like Neil and Kevin. So when the opportunity arose in juvie, he was fine with whichever activity the warden picked. It just so happened that Andrew got chosen to be an Exy goalkeeper.

“I just would have thought that you’d want to play a more aggressive position than goalkeeper.” Neil said, keeping up with Andrew’s thoughts.

“The warden assigned it to me,” Andrew said. “I couldn’t play otherwise.”

“They thought you’d hurt someone if you were loose on the court?” Neil asked. Andrew didn’t answer, but Neil could tell by his silence that he was right. “I think it’s better this way, with you as the last line of defense. You let us run ourselves into the ground and clean up behind us. You play the game like you play life. That’s why you’re so good at it.”

Andrew was not going to deign that with a response. Compliments were not something Andrew was used to getting, and hearing that from Neil made him feel like punching someone in the face. Luckily, Kevin chose that moment to walk out of the locker room. 

“I’m coming,” Neil said. But his voice was still just as close when he spoke again. “I’m not a striker by choice, either. I was a backliner in little leagues. Riko remembers because I scrimmaged with him and Kevin. He made me play defense with his Ravens over Christmas.”

That bit of information made Andrew look up at Neil to make sure he was telling the truth. “Little Leagues, he says. I distinctly remember you telling people you learned to play in Millport.”

“Partial truth,” Neil said. “I knew how to play Exy. I just didn’t know how to play offense. I didn’t want to be a striker, but Coach Hernandez didn’t have any room on his defense line. It was stiker or nothing, and I wanted to play too badly to walk away. Now I can’t imagine playing anything else.”

Andrew considered that for a while, thinking of Neil’s obsession with the sport. When Andrew was chosen to play Exy, he did it because it was more interesting than sitting in a cell or watching TV. Neil acted like he didn’t even have a choice. He viewed Exy as a lifestyle, not a game. Exy was his ultimate goal in life. And as sad as that was, Andrew thought that at least he had a goal in life, but quickly shook that and settled on keeping Neil the focus of the conversation.

“You’re more a raccoon than a fox,” Andrew said at last.

“What?” Neil said looking confused.

“A raccoon,” Andrew explained slowly, pretending to hold a ball in front of his face. “Exy is the shiny object of your sad little world. You know you’re being hunted and you know the hounds are closing in, but you won’t let go to save yourself. You once told me you don’t understand why a person would actively try to die, but here you are. I guess that was another lie.”

“I’m not trying to die,” Neil defended himself. “This is how I stay alive. When I’m playing, I feel like I have control over something. I feel like I have the power to change things. I feel more real out there than I do anywhere else. The court doesn’t care what my name is or where I’m from or where I’ll be tomorrow. It let’s me exist as I am.”

“It’s a court,” Andrew reminded him. “It does not ‘let’ you do anything.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t.”

“Because you don’t have anything do you?” Neil challenged him. “Nothing gets to you like that. Nothing gets under your skin.”

“He catches on at last,” Andrew said. “It only took him a year.”

“What are you afraid of?”

Not thinking it was worth lying about, he answered, “Heights.”

“Andrew.” Neil sounded exasperated.

“If you make Kevin come looking for you, you will regret it.”

Neil pushed himself up to stand straight and walked away without another word. Andrew didn’t think explaining himself was worth it, if Neil didn’t want to believe him, that wasn’t Andrew’s problem.

-

The next day Renee stopped Andrew on his way to the roof. She looked around at the closed door before speaking to him.

“Would you like some company?” She asks.

Andrew didn't really care if she came upstairs with him or not, so he motioned for her to follow him. Once they closed the door behind them and sat down, Andrew reached for his cigarettes.

“Smoking is going to kill you one of these days,” Renee said to start a conversation.

This is something she has tried to get through to Andrew on many occasions. He’s heard every argument before and did not care to listen to them again. 

When he didn’t respond, she changed the topic to what Andrew assumes is the real reason she sought him out.

“I know you don’t care,” she begins. “But I just thought I’d give you an update on the betting for our relationship.

He raised an eyebrow at her as a sign to continue.

“Allison tells me that the rest of the team have stopped betting against her. She guesses they’ve finally started to come to their senses about how I wouldn't lie to them about something as significant as this.”

Andrew knew that what Allison really said is that the foxes finally think she’s right in that someone like Renee would never stoop so low to be with someone like Andrew. He also knew that Renee was trying to spare his feelings. He honestly didn’t care what his teammates thought. He never had. The only reason he had for not telling them he’s not interested in Renee because she’s a girl is exactly that; he did not care. 

“They’ve also started a new pool,” she continued. “It’s about Neil.”

Andrew knew what she was about to say, and he still did not care. But instead of saying that, he motioned for her to continue.

“We’re split between whether or not he’s gay.” She paused to gauge his reaction. When there was none, she continued. “Matt and Allison say he is, but isn’t ready to tell us yet. Dan thinks he’s straight. But I don’t think he’s either.”

That caught Andrew’s attention, so he flicked his eyes at her. “Why are you telling me this?” Andrew asked after a few seconds.

“Well I wanted you to know why you weren’t invited to contribute.” Renee said evenly.

“Is there a new bet on me too?” Andrew guessed.

She smiled at him and said, “The new bet is on the two of you.”

“What about the two of us?” 

“Whether or not you’re together.” 

Even though he knew it was coming, it still made him take a deeper drag from his cigarette, to give him time to collect his thoughts. Renee was looking at him like she knew what he was doing, but said nothing, which he appreciated. 

“So do you want insider information?” Andrew asked her eventually, to try and steer the conversation more toward her.

“No, I don’t cheat,” she responded. “I just though you should know that I’m betting on it.”

“I’m not going to thank you for being an idiot.”

“Nonetheless,” she winked. “You’re welcome.”

Andrew cut a harsh look her way, but instead of backing down, Renee simply smiled at him and got up to leave him alone.

His thoughts circled while he smoked his way through another cigarette. Neil had always been very clear about ‘not swinging’ when it came to his sexuality. But Andrew wasn’t sure if it had always been that way or if Renee was right, and he was still figuring it out. Either way, Andrew knew that he couldn’t make Neil do anything he didn’t want to do.

There was no way he would put his simple attraction above someone else’s reservations. He refused to be another Drake. It was one thing to protect people with violence and threaten people that put someone he cared about in danger; it was another thing entirely to take and restrain and damage someone just for the sake of it. He would never use desire as an excuse to cause pain.

So as long as Neil said he didn’t swing, Andrew didn’t care what anyone placed bets on, nothing would happen between them.


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update. I have been out of town this week. The next chapter will be out within a couple of days to make it up to you.

On the day they were playing UT, they had to take a flight to the game. Andrew was not a fan of flying. He thought that being that high off the ground was simply unnecessary and a waste. He was not afraid no matter what his stomach thought; fuck you very much.

When it was time to leave, Andrew drove his group to the stadium and Matt took the upperclassmen. They ended up taking the team bus to the airport.

Upstate Regional was in it’s usual state of chaos, children were crying and people were entirely too emotional for Andrew’s taste. They made it through security without incident and Andrew had managed to almost forget about how bad the weather was until they made it to the terminal.

The walls were almost made up completely of windows, so the view of planes being pelted with the storm was taking up the forefront of Andrew’s vision. There was one about to rocket off down the runway, just thinking about sitting on a plane made Andrew’s stomach protest and his throat feel clogged.

A voice that sounded closer than usual but farther away than it should cut through Andrew’s spiraling thoughts.

“When you said you were afraid of heights, you were joking right?” Neil asked in a low voice. When Andrew didn’t answer, he went on saying, “Andrew, you can’t be. What were you doing on the roof?”

Andrew thought about that for a few seconds; he tilted his head considering his answer. He could say that standing on the roof was a good way to focus. He could lie, but that was not really something he enjoyed doing. In the end he decided to hold his hand to his neck and tap out the beat of his pulse before saying, “Feeling.”

“Trying to remember fear, or trying to remember how to feel anything at all?” Neil asked. Andrew didn’t think answering that was necessary; considering that both had truth to them, he had no reason to correct Neil. But despite not answering, Neil continued saying, “If it makes you feel better, fewer than twenty planes crash every year and it’s not always due to the weather. Sometimes pilots are just unreliable. I’m sure it’s a quick death either way.”

Andrew knew when someone was trying to get a rise out of him, and he would not bend to Neil’s antagonism. Instead he countered with something he was sure would derail the conversation and take his mind off of ‘quick deaths.’

“What was his name?” When Neil frowned in confusion, he clarified “Your father. What was his name?”

Neil looked like his stomach was the one about to betray him now. His eyes looked like he was staring through Andrew, and his shoulders were tensed as if he was about to bolt. But instead he looked around to make sure no one was listening before he stepped closer to Andrew to answer.

“Nathan,” he said with fear and disdain. “His name was Nathan.”

Andrew was looking up at him, and in all seriousness said, “You don’t look like a Nathan.”

“I’m not,” Neil said with heaviness. “I’m Nathaniel.”

That was a truth that Andrew never thought he would get out of Neil. And for some reason, he knew that Neil was not lying about this. His eyes had been scared and pained, but there was a hardness in them that told Andrew it was the most truthful thing Neil had said to him.

He also knew that if he pushed further, Neil would revert to old habits. Andrew decided to take this small truth and leave Neil to recover on his own.

Andrew went to the windows to watch planes land and takeoff without really paying them any attention. It was a new feeling, having Neil offer up hidden information without being explicitly asked. Saying his actual name must have been hard after hiding it for so many years. Assuming Neil had been telling the truth about being on the run.

Soon enough it was time to board the plane, and Andrew could feel Neil’s gaze on the back of his neck. He kept his eyes forward and his face impassive so he wouldn’t give anything away. But once they were seated he could barely think about anything but plummeting to his death.

He listened to the attendant while she demonstrated what to do in the event of an emergency, not that he needed the refresher. Andrew could recall exactly what to do if the plane went down. The instructions were seared into his brain the very first time he was on a plane. 

Andrew could feel himself stiffen as soon as the wheels left the ground, but there was nothing he could do about it. His body acted of it’s own accord. It felt like a lifetime before the plane leveled out, and when it did, he could feel Neil staring holes through his side. Andrew did not look back, instead focusing on the dull grey/blue color on the back of the headrest in front of him. The entire flight was filled with him trying to distract his brain from the two topics it seemed to want to focus on the most: plane crashes and Neil Josten.

When they finally landed in Atlanta, Andrew felt like he could breathe again. Once they checked which gate their next flight was taking off from, they had an hour to walk around the airport. Going from store to store seemed like as good a plan as any, so Andrew followed the lead of Nicky, Aaron, Kevin, and Neil. 

They filed into a store that happened to sell glass figurines that reminded him of Bee. As the others set off to get food or drinks or whatever else, Andrew went to see if there was one he knew she didn’t have in her collection. Most of them seemed to be either too delicate or too expensive. But when he looked at the second to last shelf, there was a small rabbit that was lying down with its ears pressed flat to its head. Andrew knew that it was one of the ones that were least likely to break, and decided to get it for her. He thought that it would probably be a good distraction from their usual initial line of questioning.

After paying for the rabbit, he saw Kevin sulking on the other side of the store and went to grab him before heading toward the exit where Neil was standing. After Nicky was finished paying for some food, he called Aaron over and they left to wait on their next flight. 

The plane ride from Atlanta to UT was just as unpleasant as the first one. And once they landed, Andrew was more than ready to grab his bag and get the hell out of there. After getting their suitcases from baggage claim, the foxes piled into a van. Their luggage was crammed in every free space available. On their way to the stadium, they stopped for dinner at an Italian restaurant. 

When they pulled up to the stadium, Wymack had to navigate behind security guards to find a parking space. They arrived at the locker room early enough to lounge around for a while with the TV as background noise. Andrew saw Neil watching some highlights of the Raven’s game. Considering Andrew did not care whether or not the Raven’s won, he tuned everyone out and just sat staring at nothing until it was time to change out.

Neil was the last to leave the changing room, and when he did Wymack told Dan to “Take them on a couple laps. Let them get a look at the place.”

Andrew vaguely saw that the court looked like any other court they had played on. After a mile, they went back into the locker room to stretch.

As the Longhorns passed them to get to the court, Wymack got ready to give a no doubt encouraging speech. Andrew mostly tuned them out in favor of fiddling with his racket, but he caught the key components.

Through the corner of his eye, he saw Neil tense and look away from what he had been staring at in the crowd. Andrew looked past Neil and immediately felt fury rise in his chest at the sight of Riko Moriyama and Jean Moreau. 

“What are they doing here?” Matt asked in a furious voice.

“I’ll ask,” Andrew said, and started to walk towards them.

But before he could cut Riko’s throat, Wymack grabbed him and pulled until he was back in the huddle. “You are not allowed to kill anyone the first game of the season. Worry less about him and more about your offense line, got me?” He didn’t give Andrew a chance to answer before turning his attention to the strikers. “Focus, Kevin. You too, Neil. Neil,” His voice raised on Neil’s name. “Eyes on me.”

Neil slowly looked away from the pair and didn’t speak for a few breaths, but when he did, what came out of his mouth surprised Andrew. 

“I’m starting to think he likes me after all.” 

Andrew could tell he was forcing himself to calm down. And the laugh Nicky gave was obviously faked. “Who can resist a looker like you for long, right? You’re lucky I’m taken, because damn. Maybe we can convince Erik to share me?” He knew Nicky was trying to make the situation lighter by joking, but that didn’t stop him from tensing at the idea of Nicky trying to get with Neil. 

Luckily Aaron cut off his line of thought by saying, “Would it kill you to leave the freaky shit off the court for once?”

“If I have to watch you ogle Katelyn, you have to watch me lure Neil to the dark side,” Nicky shot back.

“I do not ogle Katelyn.”

“Okay, sure, you don’t ogle. You long-distance pine, which is a thousand times more nauseating.”

“You have two seconds to shut up before I send you all on laps,” Wymack cut in.

Nicky shot Neil a smile, which was returned, but not quite as enthusiastically. Andrew could tell that he was still on edge with Riko so close, so he stepped to Neil’s left side in a show of protection. The questioning look Wymack sent had Neil responding with a small nod.

“Where was I?” Wymack asked.

“Offense, I think,” Neil answered looking at Kevin. Kevin was still transfixed on Riko, but Neil nudged him until Kevin looked his way before continuing. 

“Fair warning: if they put Beckstein as my mark I’m going to have to do side passes all night. He’s got a foot on me, so if he catches my stick on an upward swing it’ll pull me too far and I’ll tear something.”

“Eight inches. He’s only five-eleven.” Andrew said without really thinking. He’d heard Wymack say it during one of his long, drawn out talks during practice. He wouldn’t usually have drawn the memory to the forefront of his mind; he had just corrected Neil automatically. 

He didn’t expect it to be a big deal, but the look Neil threw his way was almost awestruck. Andrew hated that look on his face and immediately wanted to wipe it off.

“How tall is Lakes?” Neil asked quietly.

“Look it up,” Andrew said.

“Humor me just this once,” Neil said. Andrew was not in the mood for this so he started to turn around. But then Neil was tugging his racket and insisting, “How tall is she?”

“Five-six?” Matt took a guess.

“Five-eight,” Andrew corrected.

“Close enough,” Matt shrugged, but Neil looked triumphant.

He let go of Andrew’s racket to grab his own and said, “We’re going to win.”

“You were expecting us to lose?” Dan asked.

“No,” Neil answered. His lips twitched up into a smirk that Neil usually tried to hide behind his knuckles. But after a second, his hand was crushing the smile away as if he was personally offended by it’s presence. He then looked behind Andrew’s head to Riko and said, “I’m just glad he’s here to see it. Let’s see if we can't rattle him.”

“Let’s,” Wymack agreed. “Anyway, imagine I actually got through everything important I needed to say, because it’s too late to finish it now. The court’s open. We’re on with the usual drills, one’s and three's. I say this every time because you make me say this every time: keep the balls on our goddamned side of the court, Andrew.”

Andrew didn’t see the point in making either teams lives easier, but he decided he wasn’t feeling up to arguing at the moment.

After they practiced, Dan won first serve in the coin toss. Wymack used the remaining time before the start to give them another ‘pep talk.’

“Remember,” he started. “It’s two out of three to advance and you can’t afford to lose the first game of the season. Strikers, get three goals apiece or I’ll register you for a marathon. Backliners, if you look like idiots you’ll keep them company. Dealers: you’ve got this. Renee, play it like you know how. Andrew, keep the score at three or under for your half and I’ll buy you as much alcohol as will fit in your cabinet.”

After the starters made their way onto the court, the buzzer sounded to start the game. From Andrew’s position in goal, he could see the way the tensions were rising between the two teams. 

The promise of alcohol made him defend the goal with more interest than usual, and he saved all but two. 

During halftime Andrew watched as Neil paced the locker room. The end of the first half had been rough. Andrew was glad that Neil let Abby check up on him before the game resumed.

The second half was worse to watch than the first. From the sidelines, Andrew could still hear the heavy crack of helmets and sticks and the occasional fist. The longhorns were playing dirty, and suddenly those two points he’d missed made him more upset than he would have liked.

The final score was seven-six, with the Foxes winning.

Andrew was going to stay behind to make sure Riko didn’t try anything stupid while Kevin and Dan talked to the reporters. But the first person to speak, threw their question at Neil’s retreating back.

“Neil, is it true you’re marked for Court?”

Neil stopped in his tracks, and turned to look back at them. He tipped his head at Andrew, as if asking permission to speak to whoever asked the question. Andrew gestured that he didn’t care what Neil did, so Neil unstrapped his helmet and walked over to hand it to Andrew, who passed it to Renee to take to the locker room. Neil stopped by Kevin, putting his gloves under one arm before asking.

“I’m sorry. Did you say something?”

“Rumor has it you’ve been invited to the perfect Court.” The reporter practically shoved the microphone in Neil’s face, blatantly staring at the bandage on his cheekbone. “Care to comment on that?”

“Oh,” Neil sounded almost amused. “You mean this.”

He pulled the bandage off and turned his head so everyone could get a good look at the number ‘4’ tattooed on his face. Andrew couldn’t see his expression but Kevin soon sent a hissed warning in French that Andrew didn’t understand.

Instead of responding, Neil looked at the reporters and said, “It’s actually impressive, isn’t it? I think it’s the first time Riko’s ever been wrong. He always seemed too thickheaded to admit when he’d made a mistake.”

“You think he made a mistake marking you?” one reporter asked at the same time another shouted, “You don’t think you deserve the number?”

Neil’s surprised gesture did not seem believable at all to Andrew. “I don’t think he deserves us,” he said, pointing to himself and Kevin, “but that’s neither here nor there.”

Andrew could tell this was going to end poorly for everyone, but he was starting to get amused by how instigative Neil was.

“What do you mean?” a reporter asked.

“Look, I’m going to be honest,” Neil said. “I know Riko’s good. Everyone does. His uncle’s name has gotten him pretty far in life and the Ravens have an impressive record. But Riko as a person is hard to respect. Up until December, I figured he was an egocentric maniac who was so desperate for his own glory he refused to see the potential in anyone else. He, of course, assumed I was a know-nothing from nowhere with no right to have an opinion.

“This Christmas we tried to meet halfway,” Neil said. “Riko invited me to practice with the Ravens over the holidays so I could see the discrepancy between our two teams. This is what we walked away with.” Neil gestured to his tattooed face. “He admitted he was wrong about me, and I promised to live up to his expectations. We’re never going to be friends and we’ll definitely never like each other, but we’ll work around each other for as long as we have to.”

“There was a rumor you might transfer to Edgar Allan.”

“It was mentioned while I was there,” Neil said, “but we both know it’ll never happen. I’ll never get where I need to be if I played with the Ravens. Besides, I could barely tolerate them for two weeks. I can’t imagine playing with them for four years. They’re horrible human beings.

“But you know what?” Neil asked with a slight mocking edge. “That’s petty. I said I’d be honest, but that was a little too transparent. Let’s say this instead: we promised the Ravens a rematch this spring, so I’ll cheer them all the way to finals. If Riko didn’t think we could meet them there, he wouldn’t have marked me or flown halfway across the country to watch us play tonight. He knows we have a chance. He just hasn’t figured out yet that we’re going to win the next time we meet. Keep an eye on us, won’t you? It’s going to be an exciting year.

“Good night,” Neil turned before there could be any more questions, and rightfully assumed Kevin, Dan, and Andrew would follow. They all pretended to not hear the reporters yelling at their retreating backs.

Kevin was throwing a whispered hissy fit the entire walk to the locker room. “I can’t believe him” and “going to get us all killed” were the main phrases Andrew caught.

As soon as the locker room door shut behind them, Neil turned around and shoved Kevin up against it. Andrew stepped out of the way to see how this panned out, but of course the heated argument was in French. Andrew hated French.

After a few harsh words thrown at each other, none that Andrew understood, Neil looked like his anger was waning. 

Neil said something that sounded resigned, and Kevin turned to look at Andrew before speaking again. He turned again to look at Neil with frustration clear on his face. 

Eventually Neil said one last thing, and turned away form Kevin. Andrew looked down the short hallway and saw Wymack standing at the end with his arms crossed and a cigarette in his mouth. 

When Neil walked toward him, Wymack quirked his left eyebrow and said, “I don’t know if you recall, but we won. Any particular reason you’re trying to kill the good mood?”

“Just a difference of opinions,” Neil said and kept walking. He turned back before entering the changing room though, and said to Wymack, “Oh, and sorry in advance about the press. In my defense, they started it.”

“Christ alive,” Wymack said. “What did you do this time?”

Dan answered for him. “He called Riko a Class I douchebag. Not in so many words, but I think they got the message.”

Wymack pressed a hard thumb against his temple. “I should have asked for hazard pay when I took this job. Out, out, out. I’m not dealing with your attitude problem until I’ve had a couple drinks. That goes for the rest of you, too. Get out of my sight and get cleaned up. If you’re not on the van with your gear in twenty minutes I’m leaving you here. And hey,” he called before they left. “Good job tonight.”

Andrew left after Kevin and took a quick shower to get out of the stadium as fast as he could. But seeing as Neil had other plans, he told Kevin to go with the others that were already heading to the van. Andrew waited for Neil to get his stupid ass cleaned and dressed then walked out with him, with Dan and Matt not far behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, again, for reading.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to get this update out as fast as possible, I hope all of you enjoy it!

Saturday began with a rude awakening by Renee. The sun wasn’t even showing when she called his phone to tell him to come open the door. Andrew grumbled his assent and got out of bed to find Renee, obviously just woken up but wide-awake, standing in the hallway. 

“Someone vandalized the cars,” Renee said, cutting right to the chase.

After processing that, Andrew slowly said, “Go wake up the others."

He went to toe his shoes on before walking out of the dorm room with Renee following close behind. They took the stairs down and left the building to get to the parking lot. Andrew walked over to Neil so he could look at the damage done to the upperclassmen’s cars. He could feel Neil’s eyes on him, but didn’t say anything.

Renee went to stand next to Allison, and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Has anyone called Coach yet?” Neil asked from his side.

“He called us,” Dan said. “The cops are notifying all the coaches and getting them down here to help corral us. He should be here any minute.”

Andrew was not looking forward to dealing with cops. He hummed out something like a disgusted sound and turned to walk toward his car. He saw Neil in his peripheral vision, following him to the edge of the parking lot.

Neil’s guilt was almost palpable in the air around them, his shoulders were slumped more than usual and his eyes never met anyone else’s while they were walking. Andrew didn’t understand why he should feel guilty. He was not the one to do something as petty as destroying someone’s means of transportation, for no other reason than revenge. Andrew was not upset about this mess; he was, however, irritated that someone would retaliate against a trivial thing like an interview.

When they reached his car, he could tell that it would not be salvageable. There were dents all over the frame, deep enough that even the most skilled mechanics would not be able to smooth them. ‘Traitor’ was spray painted in red across the hood. The tires were practically shredded and the windows almost nonexistent. The seats were knifed open and trash was scattered throughout the backseat, along with a dead fox.

Nicky had, apparently, made his way over to the car, and let out a shrill yell that sounded pained. Andrew could hear Kevin say a muffled “I warned you” that he assumed was directed at Neil.

“No, no, no,” Nicky pleaded toward the beat up junk that used to be a car. “What did they do to you, baby? What did---is that a dead animal? Oh, Jesus, Aaron, there’s a dead animal in our car. I’m going to be sick.”

Andrew was angrier at everyone’s reactions than he was at the circumstances. There was no point in dwelling over the fact that some idiots felt so threatened that they vandalized inanimate objects. Everyone was so wound up by what had happened, and it was starting to wear on Andrew’s nerves.

Aaron had looked inside the backseat to check on what Nicky had said. “Fucking hell,” he said under his breath, covering his nose with the crook of his elbow. He then leveled Neil with a scathing look and lowered his arm to speak.

“You just had to open your mouth didn’t you?”

“I’m sorry,” Neil said, they all sounded pathetic. “I thought he’d come at me. I didn’t think you’d get caught up in it.”

“Right,” Aaron sneered. “Seth was a one-off then?”

And although Andrew knew he was right, he still hated the way Neil flinched beside him. But none of that mattered when Allison smacked Aaron across the face so hard he almost fell over. All Andrew could see was red.

He grabbed her wrist before she could land another hit, and pulled her arm behind her back, not hard enough to dislocate, but just so it hurt like hell. He used his momentum to slam her to her knees and grabbed the back of her neck with his free hand. She had such a slim neck that it would’ve been easy to break. But instead he just pushed her until he knew she couldn’t get back up. He could tell she tried saying something when a cough rattled his hand through her throat.

The next thing Andrew knew, Renee was draping herself over Allison in a protective gesture. He could tell that she was trying to convince him to let go, but Andrew couldn’t think of any reason that he would. He had sworn to protect Aaron, and he would die before he broke that promise.

“Andrew, it’s just Allison. Okay? It’s just Allison.”

She was speaking to him like he didn’t know whom he had in a chokehold. “It is not ‘just’ anyone when she lays a hand on what’s mine,” Andrew said. “Let go.”

“You know I won’t,” Renee said. “You told me to protect them.”

“You failed,” Andrew shot back. “You should have been faster.”

“Damn it, Andrew,” Matt said from somewhere above him. He sounded afraid, which only disgusted Andrew more. 

It was silent again until Renee spoke up. “Andrew. Give her back to me.”

Apparently Neil didn’t think Renee was going to get what she asked for, which was probably true, because in the next second he said in German, “That’s enough.” His hand was over Renee’s head, demanding Andrew’s attention. Once Andrew looked at it, Neil said again “That’s enough, Andrew.”

Andrew was tired of listening to Neil. “You don’t get to decide that,” came his response.

“If you hurt her, you disqualify us,” Neil said. “The ERC won’t let us play with eight people.”

Of course that was what Neil was worried about, that seemed to be the only thing he was capable of worrying about. It disgusted Andrew, and he told him as much. “Your single-mindedness is as nauseating as always.”

“You promised,” Neil said. Andrew knew where he was going with this, and it angered him further. “You said you’d stop cutting them off at the knees. You said you’d cooperate at least until we destroyed the Ravens in finals. Were you lying to me?”

“I didn’t promise that,” Andrew bit back.

“You promised to have my back this year,” Neil said, “and I told you where I was going. It’s all the same at this point whether you want it to be or not. So do you have my back or don’t you?” Before Andrew could say or do anything, Neil insisted, “Andrew. Look at me.”

Andrew tried to hold back his expression, but his control was crumbling. Using a twisted version of a promise to break a different promise was a low blow, even for Neil. But eventually he looked up.

“Fuck you,” Andrew practically spat out at Neil.

Neil was looking at Andrew like he was looking for a fight, and Andrew was just about ready to give him one if he kept this up any longer.

“Do you or don’t you?” Neil asked again.

Instead of answering, Andrew made a choice. “I made him a promise, too. I won’t break his to keep yours.”

Neil looked confused at that, but Andrew heard Aaron’s recognition. “Andrew, that’s—” But Aaron didn’t finish, so Andrew tilted his head without leaving Neil’s gaze to show he was listening. “No, Andrew. No. It’s all right. I’m all right. It didn’t even hurt.”

Andrew considered Aaron’s tone, and deciding that he wasn’t lying, loosened his grip on Allison’s neck. She fell to the ground gasping for air. Neil put his arm out to Dan and Matt in a silent gesture to back off of Andrew. Luckily for them, they obeyed.

Renee pulled Allison up and walked toward the upperclassmen. When they were holding her, Dan looked at him like she could flay Andrew with her eyes. “You asshole. You could have seriously hurt her!”

“You do not have the right to act surprised.” He could feel Aaron staring at him, but chose to ignore it. “This is the second time in as many weeks one of you has forgotten yourself. You should have learned your lesson the first time. You do not get to take offense when you force my hand.” 

“This isn’t—”

She didn’t get to finish because Wymack yelled, “That the fuck is going on here?”

Andrew didn’t spare him a look, too focused on keeping his face as bored as usual while staring at the upperclassmen. Eventually Dan responded to Wymack’s overly dramatic question.

“Nothing,” she said. “Just rethinking every time we defended our decision to recruit the monsters.”

“Hey,” Nicky said, he sounded pathetic. “Andrew might have overreacted, but he has a point. She did start it.”

“Don’t even try to justify it,” Matt said. “You don’t return a punch with a broken neck.”

“Where you come from, maybe not,” Andrew said. He was tired of the upperclassmen and their indignant attitudes. Hitting Aaron, in Andrew’s mind, meant paying the ultimate price.

“The real world?” Matt asked, sarcasm heavy in his tone.

“Don’t,” Andrew fought to stay calm, tapping two fingers to his lips in a silencing gesture. He pointed at Matt saying, “A privileged child like you has never seen the real world. Don’t speak of it like you understand.” He would not get into this with someone like Matt. Matt had no right to assume he knew anything about Andrew’s world.

“Enough,” Wymack said sharply, snapping his fingers at the upperclassmen. “Where are you parked?” Dan answered by pointing behind her. Wymack pointed to the cars and said, “Go wait with your cars. I’ll be there in two seconds. Go, I said.” After they walked away, he turned toward Andrew and the others. “No one answered my question. What the fuck is going on?”

“Allison hit Aaron, so Andrew hit back.” Neil said from beside Andrew.

Wymack looked like he was trying to avoid a headache by applying pressure to the bridge of his nose. After dropping his hand, he said, “Andrew, we are going to talk about this. No, I am going to talk about this and you are going to listen. Today, but not now. After the rest of this chaos has been sorted out. Do you understand?” Andrew looked at him but didn’t respond. “I didn’t hear you.” Wymack continued after a minute.

“You’ll talk, I’ll listen,” Andrew repeated.

“I’m going to check on them,” Wymack said. “I’ll be right back. When I come back, we are going to focus on the real problem and the real enemy. Is that clear?”

“Crystal,” Nicky almost squeaked.

“Yes, Coach,” Neil said.

Andrew turned back to the car ignoring Aaron’s heavy gaze. Kevin eventually walked up beside Andrew in silence. No one said anything while they were waiting for Wymack to return. Andrew could still feel Aaron’s eyes on him, but instead of looking up, he thought about the deal they had made long ago.

Andrew remembered it like he remembered everything. It hadn’t taken long to figure out what Aaron’s mother was doing. Andrew could see it in his eyes, even if he knew how to hide the bruises. 

On his second night with Aaron and his mother, Andrew had found Aaron cleaning himself up in the bathroom. Andrew waited for an explanation that never came, and wasn’t needed. They eventually made a deal with each other: Aaron would not get involved with anyone until graduation, and Andrew would make sure no one hit him again in return. 

Andrew knew his side of the deal seemed more of a punishment than anything to Aaron, but it was more about keeping Aaron safe on all fronts. This way, there was no chance of anyone getting to his brother in ways Andrew knew too well. 

Renewing the deal after high school was more about convenience than anything else. They had both grown accustomed to the agreement. And once Andrew had forced Aaron through withdrawal, there was an unspoken part of their relationship that said they would stick by the each other; damn the consequences. 

Aaron had no right to look at Andrew as if he was seeing him for the first time. Andrew had made his brother a promise, and he intended to keep it. Whether or not Aaron had believed him. 

Wymack eventually started walking toward them again. The first thing he did was light a cigarette, which Andrew immediately stuck his hand out for once it was lit. Wymack gave it to him and lit another before saying anything.

“Well, at least you upgraded your insurance policy last year.”

“Fat lot of good that does us.” Nicky said, lightly tapping the bumper of the car with his shoe. “This mess can’t be fixed. Even if they ripped out and replaced the entire interior, I couldn’t get back into it without getting the heebie-jeebies. Did you see the dead fox, Coach? They put a dead animal in our car. Ugh.”

“Pigs,” Aaron said, immediately drawing Andrew’s attention to the cops walking around the parking lot.

“Cameras, too,” Neil said, looking in the other direction.

Reporters had gathered, and the flashing lights caught pictures of the vandalism. They weren’t being let into the lot though, because the cops had cordoned off the perimeter.

A few minutes later, some cops stopped at their car to jot down information and take pictures of the scene.

One of them looked at them with a face that said he’d rather be anywhere else, and said, “Whose car is this?”

“Ours,” Nicky raised his hand. “Well, it’s in Andrew’s name, but I’m on the insurance policy too. We’re cousins, see. Nicky Hemmick and Andrew Minyard, room 317. You need the registration or anything, I can tell you where to find it, but I’d really rather not reach in and get it for you. Look inside the car and you’ll understand why. No, really, look inside.”

Instead of doing what Nicky said, the cop just gave the car a glance before saying, “Did you hear or see anything unusual last night or this morning?”

“Friday night on a college campus,” Nicky shrugged. “You learn to tune things out if you want to get any sleep. Besides, our room faces the front of the building.”

“What about you?” the cop said, looking at Aaron.

“No,” Aaron answered.

The cop then looked at Andrew in a silent question. Andrew only stared at him while taking a pull of his cigarette. 

“He found out when I did,” Nicky stepped in. “Renee stopped by and woke us up when she heard the news. Uh, Renee’s our teammate.” The cop looked at Nicky questioningly for speaking on Andrew’s behalf. “Yeah, sorry. Andrew doesn’t talk to cops. It’s a long story and completely irrelevant. What else do you need to know?”

Andrew was silently appreciative that his cousin had interrupted the stare down. But he kept his face impassive and shut out the rest of the conversation.

Not soon enough, the pigs left and insurance agents came around asking mostly the same questions. The woman that approached them seemed to be trying to be sympathetic, but wasn’t quite convincing. The tow trucks came next, and started to take the battered vehicles to repair shops.

“We’re footing the bill for rental cars and vans for a week,” Wymack said after the questioning had ended. “I’ll get the two we need sometime today. It might take the shop a while to get around to you,” he waved his hand across the lot at the amount of cars being taken away, “so let me know as soon as you get an ETA. I can extend the cars if I have to.”

“Yes, Coach,” Nicky said.

“You good here for a minute?” Wymack asked, waiting for their assent before walking off to find the others.

After the cops finished with Allison and Matt, they all walked toward Andrew and the others. Allison looked into Andrew’s eyes, and he could tell she was trying to convince him that she was unafraid. Andrew believed her, but also knew he could change that gaze in a heartbeat.

“Andrew and I are going to pick up some lunch for everyone,” Wymack said. “Any suggestions?”

The team halfheartedly decided on sandwiches before Andrew followed Wymack to his car, leaving the rest of the foxes behind in the parking lot. Wymack started the car when they shut the doors, but kept quiet until they were driving out of the lot.

“So are you going to tell me what happened?” he asked.

“I thought you were going to talk, and I was going to listen.” Andrew said.

“Damn it, Andrew. You’ve been back for two weeks, this better not become a pattern.” Wymack tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “I know Allison hit first, but we both know that you could’ve stopped her with less force.”

“I’m not going to apologize, if that’s what you want.”

“No, I just need you to think for a second before you try and murder someone.”

“You would know if I was going to kill her.”

Wymack sighed dramatically before continuing. “Just, I need you to promise me that you won’t kill your teammates. Can you do that?”

“Can they keep their hands to themselves?” Andrew asked.

“I’ll make sure they do.”

“Then there shouldn’t be a problem.” Andrew said.

They spent the rest of the trip in silence. The only time they said anything was when Wymack ordered their meals. Andrew was not particularly hungry, but told Wymack to order him the same thing as the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the awkward ending, the next chapter continues right after though.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the delay again. School is taking up so much of my time with finals quickly approaching. I promise I'm trying to update as often as possible. Thank you so much for your patience.

Andrew carried four sandwiches to his room while Wymack carried the others to Matt and Neil’s room. 

Aaron wasn’t in the room, but Nicky and Kevin were. Nicky was playing a video game and Kevin was on his laptop. When he set the bag of food down on the counter, they looked up at him with something in their eyes that he did not want to deal with. Andrew turned toward the cabinet, grabbed a bottle of vodka and left for the roof.

He sat as close to the back ledge as his stomach would allow and opened the bottle. The cigarette he lit was less soothing than he intended, but the familiar smell and weight in his lungs was almost enough to calm his thoughts.

Andrew was still angry about the ordeal that happened in the parking lot. He couldn’t understand why someone like Neil had such a strong handle on him. He knew Neil lied as often as he breathed, but that didn’t do anything to stop him from wanting to listen when he talked.

There was nothing that Andrew even liked about Neil, which was also true for everyone else in his life, but they could at least be tolerable. Neil did not have any redeeming qualities. His face was almost always bruised, his legs looked tensed to run every second of everyday, his mouth was always asking for a fight with people who could kill him, and his stupid eyes were too fucking blue. How could someone’s natural eye color look faker than colored contacts? Everything about Neil pissed Andrew off.

As if on queue, Andrew spotted Neil walking into Fox Tower. He looked like he had just run a marathon, which was actually a possibility. And about thirty minutes later, Andrew heard the door to the roof open, and new immediately who it was.

Neil sat far enough away that Andrew couldn’t reach over and shove him off the edge of the building. And if Andrew was being honest, that was probably a smart move.

But after tossing Neil his pack of cigarettes, he said, “Give me one good reason to not push you off the side.”

Neil lit a cigarette before answering. “I’d drag you with me. It’s a long way down.”

“I hate you,” Andrew said. But he could tell that Neil wasn’t buying it, so he took a swig of the vodka and wiped his mouth off. He tried to level Neil with a glare before adding, “Ninety percent of the time the very sight of you makes me want to commit murder. I think about carving the skin from your body and hanging it out as a warning to every other fool who thinks he can stand in my way.”

“What about the other ten?” Neil asked.

That was not the main point Andrew was making, so he ignored it. “I warned you not to put a leash on me.”

“I didn’t,” Neil said. “You put that leash on yourself when you told me to stay no matter what. Don’t be mad at me just because I was smart enough to pick up the other end of it.”

“If you pull it again I will kill you.”

“Maybe when the year is up, you will,” Neil continued, unconcerned. “Right now there’s not a lot you can do about it, so don’t waste our time threatening me.”

“I don’t think it was the money,” Andrew said. At the confused look Neil sent him, he clarified. “Why they chased you so long. I imagine at some point they realized it was far more important to hurt you than to recoup anything they’d lost.” 

“So you say, but you still won’t hit me.”

Andrew was tired of this conversation and needed it to end. He put out his cigarette between them and said, “The time is fast approaching.”

Neil was staring him down; Andrew knew his face was giving nothing away. Neil’s gaze was searching for answers that would not be found. 

“Good,” Neil said after a few tense moments. Andrew was reaching for the bottle when Neil’s next words stopped him, “I want to see you lose control.”

“Last year you wanted to live. Now you seem hell-bent on getting killed. If I felt like playing another round with you right now, I would ask why you’ve had a change of heart. As it stands, I’ve had enough of your stupidity to last me a week. Go inside and bother the others now.”

Neil stood up, but before he left he asked, “Am I bothering you?”

“Beyond the telling.”

“Interesting,” Neil said. “Last week you said nothing gets under your skin.”

Andrew was not going to respond to him, so Neil threw his cigarette over the ledge and walked away. 

Andrew sat up on the roof for hours after. He tried not to think about Neil and his smart mouth, but it was inevitable. He couldn’t understand why someone as snarky and defiant could make him stop in his tracks the way Neil could. 

He thought maybe he had looked passed the horrid personality because Neil was nice to look at. But as Andrew sat on the roof, looking out at the black sky, he realized that the reason he dealt with Neil didn’t even have much to do with his looks. Even though the kid was toned and lean from running all his life, had thick hair that looked like it would be easy to grip, and eyes that anyone could get lost in, Andrew knew that he was more interested in who he was. He had known for a while.

Figuring out Neil was like trying to fit together a puzzle when half of the pieces were missing. But the more he found, the more Andrew realized that the person he was uncovering was someone he actually wanted to see. Someone who fought tooth and nail for what he wanted, who could take punches and throw them right back, who cared too much about people that he wouldn’t let really know him. 

Andrew was fucked. He had no idea what he was going to do. Neil was very clear that he was not interested in anyone, but the longer they spent together, the more Andrew got confused. 

Neil definitely did not seem upset when Andrew told him that he would blow him. Sometimes it almost felt like he was flirting with Andrew, although he wasn’t even sure if Neil understood what he was saying would have that effect.

When it was around one in the morning, Andrew was fed up with thinking about everything. He knew that he couldn’t really want this, because this wasn’t something that was anything. 

Neil was not going to be someone to Andrew because Andrew would not allow it. Neil was a liar and a runaway. Neil would be gone before long, and Andrew was not in the mood to lose anything. This had to be nothing.

-

The next morning, everyone was furious about things being vandalized again. This time it was almost more pathetic. But Wymack and someone from Edgar Allan gave statements to the press, and that was the end of it.

Everything seemed to be back to usual during practice on Monday. Although Aaron seemed to be particularly spiteful of Neil for some reason, which Nicky explained away by saying Neil had stuck his nose is places it didn’t belong. Andrew would have to figure that out sooner or later. But right now he didn’t care to ask. Andrew also didn’t care enough about the petty squabbling between Neil and Kevin to get involved. And when they took a break halfway through practice, Andrew found Renee and they started taking laps like usual.

But before they could really begin, Renee stopped him and turned to smile at Neil, who apparently wanted to join them. Andrew glanced at Neil once before starting the slow trek around the court.

“Hey Andrew,” he turned to look at Renee, “I think we should switch halves.” At the slight quirk of his eyebrows she continued, “I think you should take second half pick up after…”

She didn’t say that the team wouldn’t be able to play as well the second half, not with Neil standing there. Although they all knew what she meant. He didn’t care enough to say no, so he just nodded his assent; but if someone other than Renee had asked, he might’ve been more annoyed.

“The construction around campus seems to be coming together nicely,” Renee said after a beat of silence.

“Yeah, if you like to look at heavy machinery in your spare time,” Andrew replied.

This was the usual way they ‘discussed’ things. Renee seemed to be pleased that he spoke; no matter what tone he took, so they actually had conversations.

“I do agree that the view while walking to class was more pleasant when there were trees to look at instead of cranes and cement trucks,” Renee kept going. “I was walking with Allison the other day, and we could barely hear each other speak over the noise.”

“Probably a blessing in disguise,” Andrew said. “Hearing her complain about everything can get tedious after a while.”

“I think she’s a lovely person to talk to,” Renee calmly chastised him. “Besides, you don’t make much of an effort to listen to what she has to say.”

Andrew did not want to talk about the ongoing feud between the team, so instead he changed the subject. “Speaking of World War III, how bad do you think we’ll have to fuck over the rest of the world to start it?”

“Well, with the way people seem to take for granted our amenities here and in other wealthy countries, I think it’ll begin by a feud over non-renewable resources and the fact that there are severe water shortages across the globe.”

“Oh, come on, Renee.” Andrew said. “With the way our military keeps sticking their noses into other people’s business, there will come a day when we piss off the wrong people.”

“While I see your point, with the way we are treating the earth, there will come a day when someone will have something someone else need’s bad enough to fight for it.”

“Okay, but that seems like a World War IV kind of deal. We are much closer to stepping on toes we shouldn’t and getting nuked, than just fighting over food.”

“Neil, what do you think?” Renee politely tried to include him in the conversation. 

“I’m not so sure,” Neil said, looking completely lost and taken off guard.

But before they could debate the topic more, Wymack hit the wall to call everyone to listen to him blabber on about teamwork and fighting toward a common goal. Andrew tuned most of it out, as he usually did.

Practice continued as usual and the next day Neil joined them during break again. Their conversation wasn’t quite as natural as the day before. Andrew saw on Renee’s phone that she was texting Jean, so Neil and Andrew had to keep up most of the talking. They were currently talking about a zombie apocalypse, and what each of them would do to survive. 

Neil said, “I would find somewhere to hole up for a good while, take enough provisions to last. Wait it out until I thought it was safe or I had to move onto a new place.” 

But he got especially quiet when Renee said; “I would make sure everyone I care about had somewhere safe to be before doing anything else. Also, I would find a way to make sure word got around that there was a shelter for anyone who needed it.”

“Fuck that, the first thing I’d do is build up a weapons shelter, stocked with food and supplies. Then I’d find a way to kill all of them off,” Andrew said.

“You wouldn’t go back for anyone?” Renee asked.

Andrew pretended to count on his hand before saying; “I can count them on one hand.”

“I think Coach would be good in a fight, he’s got a weapons permit, too.” Renee said, knowing Andrew wasn’t counting him in the five people.

“He sold the gun when I kept breaking into his apartment,” Andrew said.

“What about Abby?”

“What use is she to me?” Andrew asked. “You can’t bandage a zombie bite and she wouldn’t let us execute the infected. Besides, Coach wouldn’t let her leave his sight. Let him keep her safe as long as he can.”

Renee nodded before saying, “Speaking of Coach, he seems to be especially stressed. Do you think he’s okay?”

“I’m sure he’s holding up, those sorry excuses for ‘retaliation’ from the Ravens probably isn’t helping his usual headache though.” Andrew said.

Renee looked worried, but Andrew knew not to be. Wymack knew how to handle himself.

The conversation was mostly finished after that, with Renee mostly on her phone and Neil zoned out to wherever he went. And after a bit, Renee looked at her phone again, only to excuse herself to answer a phone call.

Once she was in the stands, Andrew looked at Neil and asked, “Jean, care to explain that?”

“I didn’t know Kevin passed his number along,” Neil said, glancing at her over his shoulder. When he looked back at Andrew, he shrugged. “He seemed interested in her when we saw the Ravens at the banquet. I’m hoping she can weaken his blind loyalty.” Before Andrew could say anything about that, Neil said, “Maybe that’s why Matt stopped betting on the two of you?”

Andrew did not mention anything about the ongoing bets on both of their sexualities. He didn’t think it was necessary. 

The next day was spent pretty much the same as the last two. It seemed as if Neil was going to make joining Renee and Andrew a regular occurrence. 

Andrew had skipped his Wednesday session with Bee, because they didn’t have enough cars for him to not drive. But after they got back to the dorms Neil stopped him. 

“Andrew,” he heard Neil say. Kevin and Aaron didn’t bother to look back, but when Nicky stopped Neil shook his head and said, “We’ll be up in a minute. Keep an eye on them.”

Nicky made a sour face at that and turned saying, “Easier said than done.”

Neil waited for everyone to get in the building before turning back. But instead of saying anything, he looked around at the empty parking lot like he could find what he wanted to talk about. Just as Andrew was about to walk away, Neil spoke up.

“Have you heard back from the shop?” Neil asked, turning his head to face Andrew. “Matt got a call this morning saying his truck would be ready for pickup tomorrow. Allison should have hers back Saturday morning. Can they fix yours?”

That was not really what Andrew had expected Neil to want to talk about. Although he wasn’t sure what he thought it would be. As an answer, Andrew took his phone out of his pocket and clicked on the voicemail he had gotten yesterday about the damage being bad enough that he should ‘call back to discuss his options.’ He handed the phone to Neil so he could hear for himself, and walked to the back of the car and sat on the trunk.

As the message ended and Neil walked toward him, Andrew took out two cigarettes, lit them, and handed one to Neil while taking his phone back. He put the pack and his phone back in his pocket. Andrew had known that the car would not be salvageable, and he was already looking for a new one, probably something faster. 

Neil and Andrew looked at each other for a long time before Neil said anything else.

“You’re going to have to replace it,” Neil said. “If the insurance company won’t cover a replacement for your car, take the difference from me. You know I have enough for it.”

Andrew was slightly taken aback by that. But instead of showing it, he gave Neil a look that said he was pissed off, which he was. Then he said, “I’m uninterested in your charity,” which he was.

“It isn’t charity,” Neil said. “It’s revenge. It wasn’t my money in the first place remember? I told you my father skimmed it from the Moriyamas. If you take some for your car, you’re making Riko replace what his fans destroyed.”

“Revenge is a motivator only for the weak-willed,” Andrew said. Even though the rest of Neil’s explanation made no sense whatsoever.

“If you believed that you wouldn’t be planning on how to kill Proust.”

Andrew froze at the mention, but kept his face neutral. Neil knew better than to bring up things he shouldn’t. Andrew realized how long he’d been staring and went to take a drag from his cigarette and curled two fingers in a motion for Neil to come closer. He looked terrified and determined when he stepped practically in between Andrew’s legs. Andrew reached out to Neil’s neck, but instead of strangling him, Andrew pulled Neil’s head forward and blew out smoke into his face.

“This is not revenge,” he said. “I warned him what I would do if he touched me. This is me keeping my word.”

He held Neil close to make sure he had made himself clear, and then let go forcefully. And when Andrew went to take another drag from his cigarette, Neil grabbed it and broke it before dropping on the ground. 

At that childish move, Andrew looked up and said, “Ninety-one percent.”

“Just take the money,” Neil said. “You bought the last car with someone’s death. You can buy this one with someone’s life—my life. That money was going to buy my next name when I ran away from here. Thanks to you I don’t need it anymore.”

“Your life has a price tag you are already paying,” Andrew replied. “You cannot barter away the same thing twice.”

“You’ve lost the right to call me difficult,” Neil said; but Andrew just shrugged. “Make a new deal with me.”

Andrew thought about that, it could be interesting seeing what Neil wanted in return for the money. “What would you take for it?”

“What would you give me?” Neil asked.

“Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”

Neil obviously did not know the answer, going by his questioning look. But instead of explaining how Neil could probably ask for anything and Andrew would consider it, he just opened his hand in front of him. When Neil looked at it like it had the answer, Andrew motioned for him to do the same. And once he did, Andrew took his cigarette and coaxed it back to life with a deep pull.

“That was mine,” Neil said.

“Oh,” Andrew mocked.

Andrew then waited for Neil to come up with a trade. They stared each other down as Neil thought it over and Andrew smoked.

“I want you to stop taking cracker dust,” Neil finally said.

“And he says it isn’t a righteous streak,” Andrew said to no one in particular.

“If it was righteousness I’d ask you to give up drinking and smoking, too,” Neil said. “I’m only asking for this one thing. It doesn’t have any effect on you anyway and it’s an unnecessary risk. You don’t need a third addiction.”

“I don’t need anything,” Andrew shot at him practically on reflex.

“If you don’t need it, it’ll be easy to give it up, right?”

Andrew wondered why this would be something Neil would want. Why did he ask for something that should not concern him? Andrew thought that maybe… no. Neil probably just wanted to inconvenience him. Instead of answering, he flung the cigarette he had stolen back at Neil and it singed his shirt before dropping down by the broken one.

“I’m going to take your temper tantrum as a yes,” Neil said, stomping on the cigarette. “I’ll bring the money by your room tonight.”

“Will you?” Andrew said, thinking of what Nicky had told him earlier. “Rather, can you? Aaron doesn’t want you in our room anymore, Nicky says. Something about you inviting yourself to fights that aren’t your concern?” He waved his hand summarizing what he’d heard. “This phone tag nonsense has left the message a little unclear. Perhaps you’ll explain to my face why you’re suddenly so interested in my brother’s life.”

“I’m not,” Neil said.

“Without the lies,” Andrew emphasized.

“I’m not,” Neil repeated. “I can’t stand him, but we’re out of time. I told you last October we can’t make it to finals if we’re a fractured mess. You two are holding us back. I had to start with one of you. Since everyone bets on Aaron and Katelyn, I thought he’d fight you for her.”

“Wouldn’t that be an interesting change of pace,” Andrew said. “See also: a waste of energy and effort. He might try, but he won’t win.”

“You have to let him go.”

“Oh,” Andrew mused, in a mocking voice. “Do I?”

“You’ll lose him if you don’t.” Neil said. “He’ll keep pushing Katelyn away if you tell him to, but he’ll resent you for it. He’ll count down the days until graduation and when it comes you’ll never see him again. You’re not stupid. I know you can see it. Let him go now if you ever want him to come back.”

“Who asked you?” Andrew practically ground out.

“You didn’t have to. I’m volunteering my opinion.”

“Don’t,” Andrew said coldly. “Children should be seen and not heard.”

“Don’t dismiss me for lying to you then ignore me when I tell the truth.”

“This is not truth. Truth is irrefutable and untainted by bias. Sunrise, Abram, death: these are truths. You cannot judge a problem with your obsession goggles on and call it truth. You aren’t fooling either of us.”

“If you ask for half the truth, you’ll only get half the truth,” Neil said. “It’s your fault if you don’t like the answers I give you, not mine. But as long as we’re talking about obsessions and Aaron’s life, what are you going to do about his trial? She’s going to be here for it, isn’t she? Cass, I mean,” He clarified as if Andrew hadn’t immediately known where he was going with this. “You’re going to have to face her.”

“Seen and not heard,” Andrew said again.

Neil must have understood that the line for this conversation had just been crossed, and he needed to back off. He walked away after a moment, and went inside.

Andrew stayed sitting on the rental car’s trunk for a while after, thinking about things he knew he shouldn’t. He did not want to think about Cass nor Aaron, and he especially did not want to think about Neil and his profoundly stupid need to get into things that he shouldn’t. 

Neil was World War III waiting to happen. He was nothing good and Andrew hated him with everything he had.


	8. Chapter Eight

The Friday of the game against Belmonte started off as a regular day for Andrew. He woke up before everyone else, as usual, and went to the kitchen to have a bowl of sugar that he liked to call cereal. Kevin had tried to make him buy a “healthier option” once, Andrew made sure that he only tried that one time.

His classes were a blur, his lunch was uneventful, and soon enough it was time to head over to the stadium to get ready for the game. As he entered the locker room, the smell of Bleach hit his nose sharply. It briefly took Andrew back to a house, hands and knees burning after so many hours of cleaning a floor that never quite looked nice enough. He quickly made himself focus on the present.

If he thought the smell of Bleach was strong, the blood was much worse. Neil had just opened his locker when a pop sounded out and a waterfall of blood covered everything in it, Neil as well. If Andrew didn't know that the sound was nothing like a gunshot, he would've been much more worried.

Andrew watched as Neil stood, stunned for a few heavy seconds. Then Neil shot forward, grabbing his gear in a useless attempt to salvage what he could. Everything was soaked. Matt grabbed Neil and started to pull him away from the mess.

“No,” Neil almost yelled. “Wait!”

There was a plastic bag that looked like it held two gallons on the inside of his locker, it was ripped open and still dripping blood. Andrew vaguely wondered what kind it was.

“Nicky,” Andrew said, “get Coach.”

Nicky ran from the room like it was on fire. Neil hit Matt hard enough to make him lose his hold. Matt swore as Neil ran back to his locker looking like a crazed murder victim. There was blood all over him, dripping from his face, arms, and shirt, everywhere. There was a puddle forming under his feet. Andrew watched as Neil pulled everything out of his locker, and as much as he knew that it wasn’t Neil’s blood, there was a small part of him that couldn’t seem to shake the worry from his head.

“Neil?” Matt almost whispered.

Before Neil’s helmet even hit the ground, Andrew was walking toward him. Neil punched his locker once but Andrew grabbed his wrist before he could do it again. Neil was breathing like he had just finished a game and his eyes were glazed over.

“It’s ruined,” Andrew wasn’t even sure Neil knew to whom he was talking to, “it’s all ruined.”

Wymack ran into the room and stopped abruptly at the sight of blood. He walked up to them asking Neil, “Is that yours?”

“Coach, my gear,” Neil started. “It’s–”

“It’s not his,” Andrew cut in. He let go of Neil; pissed because of course he’d be more worried about his gear. Of-fucking-course. “He’s fine.”

“Peroxide,” Neil said, like he couldn’t even hear anyone else. “Does Abby have any in her office?” Seeing that Wymack wasn’t going to answer, he started for the door but Wymack stopped him. “I need to clean my clothes before the blood sets or I won’t have anything to wear tonight.”

“And I need you to derail that one-track fucking mind of yours for two seconds and focus on the fact that you are covered in someone or something’s blood. Are you okay?” Wymack asked.

“Andrew already said I’m fine,” apparently Neil was paying attention to what they said.

“I’m not asking Andrew,” Wymack said. “I’m asking you.”

“Here, I’ve got an extra towel,” Matt said, grabbing one from his locker and going to the bathroom. But before he got through the door, he yelled “What the hell?”

Andrew and Wymack followed Neil to go see what had happened this time. As soon as Andrew saw the wall, he almost recoiled. “Happy 19th Birthday Jr.” was written in more blood, the stark white of the tile making the red stand out that much more.

Andrew’s attention was immediately on Neil, he was standing with his back to Andrew completely frozen. It looked as if he was steeling himself for something, but Andrew didn’t know what. Neil only broke out of his trance to grab Wymack’s arm after he said he needed to call the police.

“Coach,” Neil said, voice strained so hard Andrew thought he might break. “You’re going to have to leave them out of this one. Okay? Let’s just get through the game. I’ll clean this up afterward. No one else has to know.”

“Give me one good reason not to cancel the game and pull security in here," Wymack said. And although Andrew hated dealing with pigs, he thought canceling the game really would make sense right now.

“I can’t give you that yet,” Neil said, eyeing Wymack. “I told you to wait until May.”

Both of them kept looking at each other in silence. Apparently they reached some sort of agreement because Neil let go of Wymack and took the towel from Matt. He walked across the bathroom and paused only briefly before he started cleaning the blood off of the wall. When he was finished, he wiped the blood off of his hands before dropping the towel in the sink.

“Neil,” Matt said, the worry pouring into his voice.

“Change out, Matt.” Neil said, with no emotion at all. Then he walked back to his locker, waiting for everyone else to do the same. Andrew wanted to move, but he was frozen; he had never seen Neil like this before. Too calm; Andrew wondered if this even was Neil. He looked at Kevin and they had a short discussion in French before Kevin turned to rest of them.

“Get moving. We have a game to win.”

“You’re joking,” Matt said from behind Andrew. “You’re really going to ignore the fact that this,” he pointed above Andrew’s head, toward Neil’s locker, “just happened?” Neil, you look like a Carrie stunt double. You don’t even want to get security up here while the scene’s still fresh?”

“No,” Neil said. “I don’t”

“You’re joking,” Matt repeated. As much as Andrew did not want to agree with Matt, even he could see his point.

“Riko is an egotist and an asshole,” Neil said, looking at Matt. “He wants us to react to this. If we do, he wins. Don’t give him that satisfaction. Pretend this never happened and focus on the Terrapins.”

Andrew knew he didn’t have the whole story from Neil, but this seemed more like a threat than the temper tantrums Riko tended to throw. He wasn’t sure if Neil was lying, or if Andrew was reading too much into this. But Neil’s reaction looked as if it hit too close to home for this to be about Exy. Except, of course, that Exy was pretty much Neil’s entire life, so what did Andrew even know?

“No one’s changing in here,” Wymack said after a second. “Get your gear and get out. You can have the girl’s room when they’re done with it. I will give you one chance tonight,” He said at Neil. “If I think your head isn’t in the game, I will pull you so fast you’ll get whiplash and Dan will take your place. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Coach,” Neil said.

Wymack looked around at the mess before picking up Neil’s ruined gear off of the floor. “I’ll get Abby cleaning this. Someone loan Neil another towel.”

“Thank you,” Neil said.

“Shut up,” Wymack said as he stomped out of the room.

It was silent, and Andrew could see that Neil was doing everything in his power to act like nothing was wrong. If that was how Neil wanted to play this, then Andrew would play along. He went to go grab his stuff and leave, and everyone but Neil followed.

They didn’t have to wait long for the girls to finish getting ready, but before they could get in Andrew heard Wymack ask Matt to go get Neil a change of underclothes. 

After they had their gear on, all that was left to do was start warming up and wait for Neil to join them. Andrew could hear the others talking about what had happened, but he didn’t feel like reliving it yet. By the time they were done, Neil still wasn’t out of the locker room; he came out while Wymack was starting to give them his pre-game pep talk.

Wymack didn’t want to talk about what had happened earlier, which Andrew was fine with; but the others seemed to be distracted by it. Neil finished running laps and came in time to hear the end of Wymack’s talk. 

As soon as he finished, Dan said, “are you sure you’re okay, Neil?”

“I’m sure we have a game to win,” Neil said, looking slightly pissed. “Worry more about that and less about me.”

The first half of the game was just as brutal as usual, except that Neil seemed to be channeling more anger than was completely necessary. He had a yellow card before halftime. 

When they made it to the foyer, Dan asked where Abby was and Wymack said, “She had to go to campus for a bit. No one get mauled in her absence. Everyone drink up and stretch out. We don’t have a lot of time.”

The second half was just as boring for Andrew in the goal as the first had been from the sidelines. But with the team rallying around Neil, Andrew knew he’d do what he could to shut down the other teams strikers.

Andrew could tell that the team was starting to wear out toward the end. Matt’s striker got around him, but before he could take a shot, Matt hit him just hard enough for him to trip up. The striker still tried to hold onto the ball, but he stumbled close enough for Andrew to close the distance between them and floor him for long enough that Matt could get the ball and throw it to Allison with a shout. She then aimed for Neil, who ran up the court and made the shot he took at the goal. 

Neil’s shot put the foxes ahead by three points, and they kept that lead the rest of the game and won eight-five. Everyone rushed toward the goal, where Andrew was still standing, and when Nicky tried to tackle him Andrew shot his racket out in front of him in warning and Nicky decided to live today. 

Kevin approached Andrew and leant down to say, “See what you can do when you actually try?” Andrew waved him off, he wasn’t really concerned with what he could or could not do. And he sure as hell was not going to admit to Kevin, of all people, that having Neil forget about whatever shit was happening was more of a motivator than winning would ever be.

They made it back to the foyer before recent events seemed to catch up to Neil. “Do you have a mop I can use?” He asked.

“Shut your face,” Wymack said. “You’re not dealing with that right now. We just won.”

“Eight-five,” Allison reminded Neil. And although Neil didn’t even move at her next words, Andrew could see the hardness in his eyes. “I guess you can consider that your birthday present.”

“Allison,” Renee warned.

“No.” Allison pointed at Renee but kept glaring at Neil. “I’ve hit the limit of what bullshit I’ll tolerate this week, let alone this year. I need to know how much worse this pissing contest between Neil and Riko is going to get.”

“We are going to talk about this,” Wymack said, “but not until everyone’s here. Go get washed up. We’re going in turns again. Ladies first.” After the door shut behind the girls, he said, “I’m instating a new team rule where everyone is required to be happy after a win. You downers are going to suck the life out of me before my time.”

Andrew didn’t really feel like celebrating, he never did, so he ignored everyone and leaned up against a wall to wait to change out. Wymack made a dramatic gesture and left them.

Dan, Nicky, and Matt came into the room enthusiastically a few minutes later. Andrew saw Nicky prop himself up against Neil, and was decidedly not aggravated by the gesture.

“So we totally just bagged our two out of three. Nest week’s win is gonna be the icing on the cake.” Nicky said. Looking over at Kevin, he continued, “then it’s on to the first death match. Chances of us playing someone interesting?”

“Zero,” Kevin said. “All of the interesting teams are in the odds bracket.”

“All except us, you mean.” Nicky said, then he sighed when he didn’t get affirmation. “You’re so biased. Just don’t forget whose team you’re on. If we end up facing USC, you’d better be rooting for us.”

“I’ll consider it,” Kevin said.

“Jerk. I’m telling Coach you like Coach Rhemann more.”

“Tell him. If Coach is worth his position he knows the Trojans are better than the Foxes are. They always have been and always will be.”

“Biased,” Nicky muttered again.

Soon the girls were finished and Dan came to tell them they could use the changing room. Andrew took as quick of a shower as he usually did, face toward the door as usual. He was finished first as usual, and put his clothes on like lightning. Being the first to get dressed was second nature at this point.

Neil was the last to finish, as usual. But the post-game meeting was anything but usual. Neil looked like he was about to bolt again, but soon he made his way to the couch, and sat next to Andrew.

When Neil was seated, Wymack started, “First off: the massacred elephant in the room. Massacred birds, rather. I called in a favor with the faculty and got Abby access to the microscopes in the science labs. We needed to make sure that wasn’t human blood.”

“That’s morbid,” Nicky said.

“But necessary considering who we’re dealing with.” Wymack looked at all of them, shaking his head. “The last thing I want is to put you all at risk. The court is supposed to be a safe place for you, but I’ve failed to protect you. I have half a mind to install cameras in here in the public areas, but I won’t do that unless everyone agrees. If we do rig something up, the only ones who will see those tapes are the people in this room right now. I want people in our business as much as you do.

“Which leads me to my second point: Neil asked us to leave the authorities out of this,” Wymack paused to look at all of them. “I respect him enough to allow that, but it’s not up to just me. Are you going to be okay with that?”

“You’re really just going to let Riko get away with this?” Dan asked.

“He wouldn’t have done this if he thought he would get caught,” Neil said.

“Maybe we can’t get him, but we could get his middlemen,” Matt said. “No one’s perfect. Everyone leaves a trail.”

“You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Junior?” Aaron abruptly spoke up. Andrew felt Neil tense as if waiting for a punch. “They’ll never find proof that Riko was involved in this, but they might find you, right? That’s what this” he pointed to his face, “is all about, isn’t it? Your looks, your languages, your lies–you’re running from something or someone.”

Neil was still and silent for so long that Andrew thought he might not say anything back. But eventually he found his voice again, and Andrew could tell that he was using everything he had to stay calm and collected. 

“You know, I expected low blows and backstabbing from the Ravens. I thought Foxes were better than that. No,” Neil spit out when Aaron went to interrupt. “Don’t you dare take your issues with Andrew out on me. I know you’re mad at me for getting Katelyn involved, but you’re going to have to get over that.”

“You dragged her into my business. I’m dragging them into yours. Not as much fun when someone does it to you, is it?” Aaron asked.

“You’re so stupid,” Neil bit back. “I invited myself to your fight because I wanted to help you two. You’re doing this because you think it’s going to hurt me. There’s a pretty critical difference there. On the bright side, you being as asshole at heart means I was right about your chances.” Neil tipped his head; Andrew thought that this was getting interesting pretty fast. “You do understand by now that your cowardice is what’s keeping you and Andrew apart, right?”

“I am not a coward.”

“You’re a spineless asshole,” Neil said. “You let the world happen to you and don’t bother to fight back. You let other people dictate how you can live your life and who you can spend your time with. Remind me why you put up with your mother’s abuse for so long. Did you actually love her despite her madness, or were you just too afraid to walk away?”

“Neil,” Dan said, looking concerned. “That’s not—”

“Fuck you,” Aaron cut in. “I’m still waiting for an answer to my question.”

“And I’m still waiting for a thank you,” Neil said. Looking at Andrew, he said, “from both of you, to each other. You’re even now, aren’t you? So why can’t you just wipe the slate clean and start over? Why do you have to drag it out another three years when you can fix it right now?”

“You don’t know anything,” Aaron said in a voice that sounded venomous.

“You don’t want me to be right,” Neil said, “because if I am it’s your fault she’s dead.”

“No.” Andrew was fine being a bystander to this up until this point. “It is always going to be her fault.”

“She didn’t kill herself, Andrew,” Aaron said. He had the audacity to look aggrieved.

Andrew narrowed his eyes in disbelief. “I told her what would happen if she raised her hand again. She had no right to look so surprised.”

“Oh, Jesus,” Matt said. “Did you just—”

Wymack looked pained, pinching his nose. “Could you at least let us leave the room before you confess?”

Aaron looked around at Wymack and the others before turning back to Andrew. He switched to German and said, “That’s not why you did it. Don’t lie to me.”

“She was nothing and no one to me,” Andrew said. “Why else would I have killed her?”

After a few moments of silence, Aaron continued with a fierce edge to his voice. “You wouldn’t even look at me. You wouldn’t say a word to me unless I said something first. I’m not psychic. How was I supposed to know?”

“Because I made you a promise,” Andrew apparently had to remind him. “I did not forget it just because you chose not to believe me. I did what I said I would do, and fuck you for expecting anything else.”

Aaron looked like he was about to say something else, but thought better of it and lowered his gaze to his folded hands. Andrew was simmering with anger he hadn’t felt in a while. He wanted to shake Aaron for being so stupid, he wanted to kill Aaron’s mom again for making him have to do it in the first place. But most of all he was angry that something could get under his skin like this in the first place. 

Before he could figure out who to direct his rage toward, Neil’s hand was blocking his view of his brother. Andrew looked at Neil and felt the fight leave him. His expression went back to its usual neutral self and Neil brought his hand to his lap before speaking up in English. “Is that it, Coach?”

“No,” Allison answered. “As enlightening as this little diversion was, it doesn’t answer the original question. What does Riko have on you?”

After a short pause, Neil answered as honestly as Andrew figured he would. “He knows who I am.”

After they realized that was all he was going to way, Matt asked, “Uh?”

“Neil’s family has a reputation,” Kevin cut in for Neil. The look Neil sent him said to shut the hell up, but all Kevin said was, “Riko is trying to use it against Neil.”

“Is it going to be a problem?” Dan asked.

“No,” Neil said.

Allison flicked a hand toward the locker room saying, “Are you sure about that?”

“Yes,” Neil said. But when no one looked like they believed him, he seemed to be considering which lie was the safest to tell. “Riko knows who I am because our families operate in similar circles, but he is a Moriyama in name only. He doesn’t have the resources to do more than threaten me.”

“Damn, Neil,” Matt said. And for the second time that night, Andrew found himself agreeing with him. Except Andrew was more impressed by the amount of truth Neil let on, than the actual things he said. “Your parents must be something else if even Riko’s got to follow the rules. Aaron was right, then? This is what you’re supposed to look like?”

“Yes,” Neil said.

“But why lie about your age?” Matt asked. “I don’t get it.”

“I don’t want anyone tracking me back to my family,” Neil said. “The harder it is for people to put two and two together, the better. Being eighteen in Millport meant my teachers and coach didn’t have to consult my parents for anything. Telling you the truth meant having to explain why I lied in the first place, and I’m not used to trusting people. I don’t want you to judge me for my parents’ crimes.”

“As if we have room to judge anyone,” Dan said. Neil shrugged in response. She looked like she might say more, but she stopped herself. “Yeah, I guess that’s it for now, Coach.” She said after looking to the others in a silent question.

Wymack nodded once before saying, “Cameras okay with everyone? Yes? I’ll have them up over the weekend. We’ll talk about their locations and the game on Monday afternoon. Before then figure out what you have to do to resolve these personal issues,” he said looking at Aaron. “Don’t any of you dare bring these attitudes to my court ever again. Understand?”

That was met with half-hearted mumbles, and he motioned for them to leave. “Dismissed. Drive safe.”

The team made their way passed the crazed fans and disapproving Pigs. Aaron went to Matt’s truck and Neil climbed in the back of Andrew’s car without a word. Nicky started to say something, probably something stupid, but Andrew pulled his lighter out and flicked it on close enough so he could feel the heat on his face. Nicky shut his mouth and climbed in next to Neil. They made their way back in silence.

Aaron was nowhere to be found when they got to the dorm, Matt having gotten there first. Andrew didn’t care, he just wanted to sleep or smoke or eat ice cream; anything that would allow him to think about something other than tonight’s events.

Once they shut the door to their room, Kevin and Nicky went straight to the room to sleep. Andrew wanted to allow himself to be pulled into unconsciousness more than anything, but first he went to bathroom and splashed his face with cold water and changed into sweats and a long sleeved shirt. 

When he stepped into the room, they were both either asleep or almost there. Andrew lay in bed thinking about things other than the horrors surrounding their lives to try and get to sleep. 

He thought of the view from the roof, when the sky was either setting or rising. Those moments were always so quiet. The world was always so calm during those fleeting hours. Sometimes the sky would be an icy blue, other times it would be a deep dark orange. 

He didn’t want to think about the comfort of that sky or how much better it would be to have no one in particular next to him. But the comfort came anyways, as it usually did, much to his disdain. 

Andrew fell asleep thinking of nothing and no one. In the morning, he would remember that he wanted nothing and no one, and he would hate himself even more for knowing he couldn’t have it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and being patient with me. I don't want to make promises about updating once a week if I can't fulfill them, but I'm going to try my hardest!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this has been a long time coming. I'm so sorry and I hope you all still want to read this. Life is crazy and I know it's been forever since the last chapter but I really hope that I can start writing more. These characters mean the world to me and I want to do them justice. Again, sorry I dropped off of the planet for a while. I'll do my best to actually update on a more reasonable schedule. I love all of you and hope you enjoy reading this. Thank you so much

The next morning Andrew got a call that said the car he had been looking for was available if he wanted to come sign the paperwork that day. He knew he’d need someone to come with him so they could bring the rental back but Nicky was far too excitable so Kevin would have to do. 

After shoving Kevin awake, they ate breakfast and got ready to head to Atlanta, where the dealership was. As he was walking out to the rental he idly wondered how it would feel to drive the Maserati once he picked it up. How fast could he go? Would it matter how fast the car went? Even though going so fast almost felt like the world went away, it was never quite the same as standing at the edge of the roof and knowing how fast everything could go away.

As they neared the interstate his phone started ringing. Normally he wouldn’t have picked up so quickly, but this ringtone… Neil’s ringtone, had him answering right after the song began.

“What is it?” Andrew said when he put the phone to his ear. When he got nothing in response he did not panic, he never panicked. 

“Neil.” Still nothing, “Neil?” 

After what felt like a lifetime he could finally hear Neil breathing and waited to see what the idiot did this time.

“Come and get me from the stadium,” came his only response.

Andrew immediately hung up and took the next turn to go back to Palmetto.

“What the fuck?” Kevin asked when he felt the abrupt change in direction. 

“Shut up” Andrew didn’t feel like dignifying him with an answer, he wasn’t even sure if he had one.

Neil never called anyone. He didn’t use his phone, didn’t like his phone. This wouldn’t have just been an arbitrary call. Neil needed to get away but he didn’t run. Andrew wasn’t sure how he felt about being the one to get the call but he supposed that he did tell Neil to call, so he was hopefully just doing as he was told for once in his miserable life.

As soon as Andrew pulled into the parking lot he saw Neil with his head in his hands on the side on the curb. He pulled the rental into the spot next to him, and when Neil didn’t stand he got out of the car.

Neil just sat there staring at him like an idiot for a few seconds before figuring out what he wanted to say.

“I don’t want to be here today,” is what he must have decided on.

“We were almost to the interstate,” was Andrew’s response, and he went back to the driver’s seat knowing Neil would follow.

No one said anything on the ride to Atlanta, so Andrew could silently not think about anything. Driving allowed him to clear his head but he did look in the rearview mirror every once in a while to find that Neil looked like he was zoned out or asleep.

Renee’s ringtone started when they were almost to the dealership.

“We want to know if we should throw Neil a birthday party?” She asked when he picked up.

“Don’t,” was his only response before hanging up.

When they pulled into the lot, Kevin got out but Andrew stayed in long enough to tell Neil “Get out or stay here, those are your only choices.”

Neil seemed to grasp that he meant there was no convenient, third, running away option. 

“I’ll stay,” Neil answered.

Andrew got out and left him to his thoughts. When he got inside, he started looking for the person he had spoken to on the phone earlier that morning. 

“I’m looking for Stephen,” Andrew told the first person with a name tag that he saw.

“Right this way, sir. Do you have an appointment?” The woman asked him.

“Yes, it’s under Andrew Minyard,” he said.

“Alrighty, Mr. Minyard let me just sign you in real quick and I’ll send Stephen right over.”

Andrew didn’t say anything but he and Kevin waited for a man with gold hair and the most obnoxiously red shirt to walk over to them.

“Mr. Minyard?” he asked sticking out his hand toward Kevin.

Kevin looked away while Andrew just said, “that’s me.” He was used to being glanced over by now.

“My apologies,” he then stuck his hand toward Andrew and when he didn’t get a response, moved on quickly.

They went through the standard paperwork and insurance crap, using the newly found money he had put in their account to make up the difference. Then Stephen took them to see the new car.

It was, admittedly, a very nice car. He could tell that it would maneuver around other cars and get him anywhere he wanted in no time at all. It’s not that Andrew was excited, he didn’t do excited, but there was a flutter of something in his chest at the thought of driving it out on an open road with nothing in front of him and a certain nothing beside him. 

Quickly banishing those thoughts to the deep depths from where they came, he got in and drove it around the parking lot before stopping by the rental.

After everything got squared away and Andrew put the key on his key ring and the spare in his pocket, he opened the back door and asked Neil about where Kevin would be riding.

“Let him ride with you. I have nothing to say to him.” Andrew shut the door and didn’t say that neither did he. 

They stopped for gas and lunch not long later. Neil got a large coffee and sat down at a table near the window while Kevin and Andrew got some actual substance. While they ate, Andrew looked out at the parking lot and his new car. He thought about nights going out to Columbia again and having to watch his idiot family make fools of themselves. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but he was ready to get Nicky off of his case about when they would go back.

When they were done eating, they headed back out to the cars and made their way back to South Carolina to drop off the rental in Greenville. They checked the car for damage and gas and Andrew signed the necessary paperwork before they headed back to campus.

When they made it back to the tower Neil kept walking toward the roof and so did Andrew. Not really to follow Neil, just because he wanted to sit on the roof and Neil being up there didn’t change that.

Andrew lit them cigarettes while Neil nudged the door open. He followed Neil to the edge of the roof and before he sat down, dug the spare key to his new car out of his pocket. He sat next to Neil and held it up between them, trying not to make a big deal about it. But Neil, being the idiot that he is, just stared at it until Andrew dropped it to the concrete between them.

“A man can only have so many issues,” Andrew said. “It is just a key.”

“You’re a foster child. You know it isn’t,” Neil always knew what to say to make Andrew want to punch him in the face. He held it like the other keys he’d been given; like they held an answer that he could only figure out if he memorized the shape. 

“I’ve always had enough cash to live comfortably,” Neil went on “but all the decent places ask too many questions. There are background checks and credit checks and references, things I can’t provide on my own without leaving too much of a trail. I squatted in Millport. Before that I stayed in decrepit weekly hotels or broke into people’s cars or found places that were happy being paid under the table. It’s always been ‘go.”

He stopped and started tracing a pattern into his palm like he always did, Andrew thought it might be the Columbia key but he couldn’t be sure until now. 

“It’s always been ‘lie’ and ‘hide’ and ‘disappear.’ I’ve never belonged anywhere or had the right to call anything my own. But Coach gave me a key to the court, and you told me to stay. You gave me a key and called it home.” Neil paused to clench his hand into a fist and look at Andrew’s face. “I haven’t had a home since my parents died.”

This was too much. Andrew didn’t want this. He didn’t ask for this. Neil couldn’t be “this.” He pushed Neil’s face away before saying “Don’t look at me like that. I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren’t mine.”

“I’m not looking for an answer,” Neil almost sounded desperate. “I just want—.” 

Neil waved his hand like he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to say before he seemed to deflate. “I’m tired of being nothing.”

Andrew knew that feeling. He understood the empty promises that made him want to want something. He knew what it meant to have someone lay out a future that wouldn’t be real. He didn’t even know if he wanted it to be real, but he knew Neil did. And for some fucked up reason Andrew wanted it to be real for Neil too. But he also knew that the world was a screwed up place and you rarely got what you actually wanted.

“You are a Fox. You are always going to be nothing.” Andrew crushed his cigarette into the space between them before reminding Neil, “I hate you.”

“Nine percent of the time you don’t.”

“Nine percent of the time I don’t want to kill you. I always hate you.”

“Every time you say that I believe you a little less.”

“No one asked you.”

Before Andrew could think about what he was doing, he grabbed Neil’s face and drug it towards himself. 

Andrew knew how to kiss, he’d kissed people before and it had all been the same. Slightly heady with a bit of an after taste. Kissing had always been safe. Andrew could be in charge if the person was in front of him.

But this kiss, this kiss felt dangerous. It was almost as if he’d forgotten what kissing felt like. Neil’s lips were chapped and he tasted like the afterthought of a cigarette. 

Neil grabbed his coat sleeve like he wanted more and Andrew pulled away.

“Tell me no,” Andrew said from just inches away from Neil’s mouth.

Neil looked as if he was short circuiting. Andrew knew when someone wasn’t in the right mind frame for something like this. He should’ve made sure. 

“Let go,” Andrew said while prying Neil’s fingers out of his sleeve. “I am not doing this with you right now.”

He needed space, he needed a cigarette. The one he had stubbed out wasn’t worth it so he took the pack out and got a new one. It tasted too much like Neil and he had to get it away. The third one he tried was stolen by Neil but he didn’t try and get it back. He had taken something that wasn’t his also. 

Andrew threw his pack to the side and pulled his knee up to his chest to rest his arms on before Neil decided to say something.

“Why not?” 

“Because you’re too stupid to tell me no,” Andrew bit back.

“And you don’t want me to tell you yes?”

“This isn’t yes. This is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don’t.” Andrew couldn’t get the idea of forcing Neil to do something he didn’t want to out of his head. Digging his thumb into his lip, Andrew said out loud what he thought probably wouldn’t have come out if he had been thinking straight. “I won’t be like them. I won’t let you let me be.”

And Neil, never being one to know when to stop talking, said, “The next time one of them says you’re soulless I might have to fight them.”

“Ninety-two percent, going on ninety-three.”

Neil tried to hide his smile, but Andrew didn’t comment. He wasn’t sure what he would say anyway. 

Soon Neil stood up and grabbed the spare key, but before he left Andrew alone he said, “Hey.” When Andrew did nothing he went on, “Thank you.”

“Go away before I push you off the side,” Andrew said.

“Do it. I’d drag you down with me.”

Andrew was glad that Neil left after that. Because as terrifying as falling off the side of a building was, this was worse.

Andrew knew how to kiss and he knew how to do a lot of other things. But this was different. This couldn’t be anything. This had to stop before it got out of hand. 

Nothing. It had to be nothing. A onetime, fluke, not real, nothing. Whatever it was that he thought he felt, could not happen again. It was too dangerous. He knew Neil would leave. Hell, he wasn’t even sure how much longer he himself would be here. There was no use doing something that would just end. Everything ended. 

Andrew knew, logically, that he had not assaulted Neil. But the way he froze, it just felt too familiar. So he called Bee. 

“Hello, Andrew. How are you?”

“Bee,” Andrew replied. 

His voice must have betrayed more to her than it would have anyone else because she sounded concerned when she asked, “Is something wrong?”

Andrew wasn’t really sure how to explain what made him call her, so he settled for not explaining at all. She was used to his silence by now, she should be able to figure something out.

After a few moments, she tried again. “Andrew, can you tell me what happened?”

“I kissed him.”

“Okay, did something else happen? Are you both okay?” She knew who he was talking about, of course he didn’t have to clarify. Bee always had this way of knowing what Andrew meant when he tried to avoid something.

“I don’t—think he wanted to.” Andrew finally managed to get out.

“Did he say something that made you think that?”

“He just, didn’t say anything.”

“Did you ask him if he wanted to?”

“Not before.”

“Maybe you should try that, if it ever comes up again. It will probably put you both at ease if you know where the other stands.”

Andrew didn’t want to talk anymore so he just hummed in response.

“Okay Andrew, think about it and call me again if you need to.”

He didn’t say anything before hanging up his phone and putting it in his pocket. He reached over to the pack of cigarettes he had flung away but put it in his pocket too without trying another. 

“Ask him,” he said to himself. There hadn’t been many opportunities for Andrew to say no if he wanted to. Neil should get that option. Andrew will have that option whether or not someone wants to give it to him. 

A simple yes or no should work, not that it would come up again. Andrew wouldn’t bring it up again. He had to let it go before he couldn’t.

-

The reaction he got to the new car on Monday morning was one he expected, but was still annoyed by. 

Nicky was telling some dumb story or another about something Andrew didn’t care to remember. But when Andrew stopped to get in the Maserati, Nicky let out such a high pitched squeal that Andrew wanted to drive away before he had to hear it again. Before he could though Matt asked, “What are you doing with a Maserati?”

“Driving it,” he was surrounded by idiots.

Matt was making a fool of himself when Neil looked toward Andrew questioningly. He turned away to close the door, but Matt stopped him to be able to see inside.

“But when—?” Matt asked. “And how—?”

“Did he steal it?” Andrew admired that Allison could cut straight to the point.

Before anyone answered, Matt motioned to Andrew. “Start it up! Let me hear it.”

While Matt was busy making a fool of himself, Andrew finally closed the door and waited for everyone to get in.

Nicky got in the middle seat and immediately stuck his obnoxious head between the seats. Andrew gave him a few seconds but eventually shoved his cousin out of his space. 

“But seriously, Andrew. Where did you get this thing?” Nicky asked.

“Georgia,” Andrew said, and the subject was dropped.

The next few days went by like it usually did, classes were pointless and practice was boring. Neil still watched him sometimes, but Andrew had gotten used to it over the months. Even if it seemed more charged than usual, Andrew ignored it. 

Wednesday brought some interesting news, Kengo Moriyama was in the hospital. What was more interesting, was watching Kevin and Neil react to the news. They both seemed to be slightly more on edge than usual but Andrew figured that was to be expected.

Friday’s game against Arkansas meant a whole day on the road, which Andrew would have minded less if he had been able to drive it. Riding in the back was an alright second option he supposed, he could at least lose himself in the mind numbing blur out of the window.

The game was just as useless as always and Andrew was just as unimpressed when they managed to win. It meant another game somewhere else and more time wasted forced to be around idiots.

The drive back to Palmetto was just as uneventful as the the drive down. Except without the passing scenery there wasn’t much to keep Andrew’s mind numb. He listened to the sounds of the bus moving and Nicky’s headphones blasting, Kevin was snoring and Aaron was doing something that involved typing on his laptop. Neil was with the upperclassmen who were all excitedly talking about the possibility of winning, of proving themselves, of something more than what they were.

They were all foxes, everyone on this bus. They were all nothing, and they always would be. But the more Andrew thought about nothing, the more he wanted it. His whole life had felt like trying to hold onto the smoke that left his cigarettes, but this was starting to feel solid. He hated the dread that seeped into his mind at the thought of it.

The roof was solid, but inches away there was nothing to stand on. That’s what this reminded him of, the feeling that you’re too close and a slight breeze could take everything away without a second thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much, again, for reading this.


End file.
